by Lorna Doone

Created on: November 12, 2008

My daughter had her very first birthday party in September of this year, she was six. I believe strongly that children should be able to make their own choices about whether to have parties or not.

I believe that the pressures on families nowadays to provide 'the party to end all parties' for their children is too much. It goes hand in hand with a culture where children are unable to entertain themselves and remain passive and unresponsive in front of TV shows and video games. What happened to the notion that children may want to spend time with their friends occupied in their own way or even be with their parents on their birthdays instead of another high pressure social occasion?

I recently attended one of my daughter's friend's party and was amazed that the mother had spent two days and a huge amount of money on the preparations. The presents the child received blew me away and the party bag at the end of the afternoon must have cost a fortune. The birthday girl was under pressure to perform.

It seems that this pressure on the child served only to please the parents. Is the child really desperate for entertainment, presents, party favors and candies or is it the parents who are more desperate to appear better than their children's friend's parents?

My daughter's party involved playing in a park for the afternoon, I asked her what she wanted to do and that was her reply. We told every girl to bring a packed lunch for herself. My daughter made a cake with my help, which she decorated herself. They entertained themselves on the swings and slides for an hour and a half and then we played a series of outdoor games like tag and hide and seek. The party favor was a strip of blue ribbon each.

One girl came up to me afterwards to tell me it was the best party she'd ever been to. It was totally directed by my child and the other children loved it. They gave my daughter presents, which we opened after the other children had left. Very low key.

I believe that children do like to feel important and may love to be the centre of attention on this special day, but it should be on the child's terms. Only something totally out of the blue such as a hike in the mountains or an evening out watching the stars maybe enough to jog some children out of the perpetual cycle of false extravagance that they may ask for. They will surprise you at what they may really want to do. Perhaps some quality time spent with their parents doing something they truly love maybe the only thing they need, in order for them to feel important.

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