by Brian Jeffiers

Created on: November 12, 2008

There was Darfur and Myanmar. There was Iran and Iraq. There was Red State and Blue State. There was Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. The breadth of issues in this year's presidential election was unparalleled, but with one notable exception: I never heard any candidate asked, "Boxers or briefs?"

I had hoped to hear it. It's the kind of question that cracks the candidate's faade open for a split second and lets a little humanity shine through. But of course, like the national situation as a whole, this issue was more complex this year.

First off, in every previous election since this kind of question lost its verboten statusand I don't know what triggered that in around 1996we've had all-male major party tickets. This year Sarah Palin showed up on the scene, and even this progressive nation is probably still puritan enough to ix-nay on the Glacier Gov's unmentionables.

For one thing, she has lots more options, so the question might be more like "Briefs, bikinis, boy-shorts, hip-huggers, thongs, or grannies?" Not exactly succinct when Gwen Ifill is playing meter maid with time allocations at the debates, and it still omits the most likely choice for an Alaskan: The union suit.

For another, the Internet had already provided us such photoshopped gems as "Palin in Bikini", "Palin's Kid Flipping the Bird", and probably "Palin Stomping Snail Darter". We sure didn't need "Sarah's Secret" or "Hanes Sarah's Way" to gain legitimacy from the Governor's own mouth. Hard telling what her undies cost, too.

But I also think that campaign staffers probably primed questioners to avoid the topic. Something tells me that at least one candidate wears boxer briefs and deflected the question to avoid being viewed as a flip-flopper. And when it comes to underwear, nobody wants to be viewed as a flip-flopper.

Or maybe one of them typically goes with an "unfinished basement", as Bart Simpson called it, and was going "commando" on the campaign trail. Talk about avoiding the issuesif you can't give a direct answer on "Boxers or briefs?", you are utterly unelectable.

Where would Joe Biden end up on the issue? If he doesn't wear what Obama wears, is he viewed as divisive to the ticket? Would Obama have taken more elitist flak if he wears the occasional silk instead of the working man's cotton?

Would Joe the Plumber's skivvies be in the mix?

Most troublesome of all, though, was the thought of what could happen to a longtime Senator and former POW if this issue slipped in. Could you imagine this exchange between Senator John McCain and a college-age questioner?CAQ: Senator McCain, boxers or briefs?

McCain: Depends.

CAQ: On what, Senator?

McCain: No, I mean Depends. I wear them. I'm 72.

That is not good for America, my friends.

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