by Lorna Doone

Created on: November 12, 2008

Yes, self-awareness is the most effective way of connecting and understanding your children. A good method I have found of nurturing my self-awareness is to write an "S" in Biro on my hand at the beginning of each day. In fact, it has been so effective that I may have the letter tattooed on there permanently. An S'? It serves as a little memory jogger throughout the day. Jog my memory about what exactly, you may ask? Well, to make sure that I do not resort to corporal punishment when dealing with my childrren.

Notice that when your child's action elicits a reaction, your mind puts words into your mouth. It is like a computer running itself: your child does something and a window opens automatically inside your mind. This would be harmless if you didn't read what it said out loud. If you are upset, it is the wrong thing to say or do and will only aggravate the situation. It is not what you want to say. It does not represent your true intention and is therefore inauthentic. The proof to this inauthenticity is that later you regret your words and actions and they build walls between you and your child.
To avoid hurting your child, read the words in the automatic window silently in your headWhatever you feel is yours alone only and not a reason for action or utterance..Once you become aware of the thoughts that mislead you, you will discover that who you really are is unconditional love; instead of being caught in your own anxiety about the child, you will be present with him, with nothing but your love, as it always was and is. With the clutter of thoughts removed, the light of who you really are shines right through and your child is seen in that loving light.

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Naomi Aldort p.7-9.

S = silence, stop, step away, separate. I have noticed that when I am watching someone else disciplining the children, I can think absolutely clearly about what is totally appropriate at the time and that is never a reaction that leads to violence. The S on my hand reminds me to - metaphorically speaking - walk out of the room, take a deep breath and see the situation from my daughters' point of view - from a distance and then decide how to react.
It works.
One thing that I try to remember is to rewrite the S throughout the day, again and again. By the time evening comes, I am a little frazzled and tired and that is when it is really important for me to make sure the S has not become faded on my hand. When you do the dishes three times a day, it rubs off pretty quickly.
That's why I am thinking about the tattoo.

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