by Helen Tay

Created on: November 12, 2008

How we view what is acceptable behavior and what is not is what we think it is. When we understand that what we think it is may not be what it actually is.

We see the world as we see it with our own beliefs and the emotions we bring with each experiences. The way we associate a behavior to be acceptable is the way we rate them to be good or could be improved. If we associate a negative feeling to the behavior and if that feeling is intense, we would rate it as unacceptable.

There are many questions we ask ourselves first before we begin to tell others that their behavior is unacceptable. What exactly is the behavior of that person that gets us all bothered? When we can associate a feeling to that behavior, we then proceed to ask the question is "How does the person's behavior affect the person?" If it is a behavior that causes physical harm to the person, it helps to have someone who can help the person at the moment in time. We would want to be aware of the feeling evoked if the person's behavior infects us?

As you can see, by asking just a few simple questions, we know that it is not just about the person's behavior, it is also about what we perceive and feel about the behavior. What is acceptable to us may not be acceptable to others and vice versa.

When we are able to be objective about a subjective matter such as behavior and feel that it is only right that we tell the person that their behavior is unacceptable. For the person to accept what you want to convey, we first ask for permission to speak to the person. When we have consent, we can proceed to check the other person's awareness about their behavior. If they are made aware of their behavior and do care about how it has infected others, we can ask permission to explain their behavior to them.

As you can see my approach is basically ask for their permission to speak on the matter and then make them see their own behavior could be positive or negative in their own perceptions and then it makes sense to see why it is unacceptable otherwise you are wasting your energy and time. All of us want to be accepted and if we do have a slightest notion that our behavior is not at its best, we will simply find ways to make it right. When the person insists on maintaining their own negative behavior, we must understand that it is not our responsibility to change them. They can only change themselves and they have the choice to do so.

When we understand that our thoughts and our feelings which are our inner selves will serve us to take the necessary actions to yield the results we want and hence the same goes with behavior. It is our thoughts and the emotions we associate with them which ultimately enable to take the necessary action or non-action which then becomes the outcome of the situation. When we understand this manifestation process, we make conscious efforts every moment of our waking lives.

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