by DJ Triplett

Created on: November 11, 2008   Last Updated: December 28, 2011

The office gossip. The know-all, see-all, tell-all who is usually fairly good at their job, so you can't just let them go. But they work with a different agenda than the office agenda; they seek out the troubles and the sorrows, the grisly little details and goings on in other people's lives, and they live to talk about it all. Nothing is sacred, not even the boss' life. There's always at least one office-gossip, and they usually quickly find a buddy!

There is often a smidgen of truth in the gossip, but as the stories repeat, they get more dramatic and troublesome. Your office gossiper goes after a story harder than Lois Lane goes after Superman. Eventually, employees get tired of hearing these tales, and often end up becoming the target of a rumor about themselves, and that's when trouble really begins. Gossip quickly goes from a friendly office discussion that talks about others, keeping references to other people general, friendly and supportive, to gossip, a way of speaking about someone that tries to undermine the credibility or likability of another person usually with supporting undertones that demoralize and character assassination of the person being gossiped about. If someone develops a "confidential tone," chances are, you are about to hear gossip.

Sandra Crowe of Rockville, who advises government agencies, corporations and associations on difficult workplace situations, says the behavior of these co-workers has "become tit for tat, who can frustrate the other more, who can denigrate the other more. They're stuck in a pattern and can't move forward."

Crowe, author of a book called "Since Strangling Isn't an Option," says the aggrieved worker will have to go to the gossipers and say something like, "I'm feeling frustrated with our interactions."

She suggests handing confronting a gossiper without threats. Some of the ideas in her book are:

"Notice that I didn't say 'frustrated with you,'" Crowe adds. The effort is to keep the conversation civil and productive.

She says if the gossip retorts, "Well, you're the problem," the questioner might say, "That's possible."

Crowe adds that "they need to move into a way of working toward a solution."

She says the aggrieved person should be forthright, perhaps saying, "I've observed you speaking about a couple of our colleagues and saying negative things about them that I know to be untrue."

Basically, you take the wind out of the gossiper's sails when you confront nicely but firmly. Most people that like to talk

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