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Encouraging new and desired behaviors in children is a process. It will take time and patience for you to guide your child into a new behavioral habit. And if the desired new behavior is meant to replace another behavior that your child is already exhibiting, it will take even more patience and determination. Here are a few tips to help you in your journey to encourage your child to develop the behavioral patterns you wish for them to acquire.

The first step in encouraging a new behavior in your child is to ask for it, and give the reason why you want it. It sounds really simplistic, but keep in mind that not many people get what they want without asking. Children (yes, even teenagers) want to please their parents, and have their parents pleased with them. (Teens may never admit this, but it is true.) By voicing what behavior you want, you are letting your child know how to please you. This may be enough for a younger child, but older children, teens especially, need to be given a valid reason for the desired change "because I said so" generally doesn't work as well as "because when you lie, I can't trust you, and that is not the relationship I want for us to have".

Perhaps the most important part of encouraging a new behavior is to model that behavior yourself. You can't expect a child especially a teen to behave in a way that you will not. Children need to be shown, not just told, how to behave. If you want your children to watch less T.V. and read more, then you need to do that yourself. If you don't want your children to lose their temper and yell, then you need to stop yelling. If you don't want your children to lie, don't let them catch you lying. Children react strongly to hypocrisy, and teens especially don't care for "do as I say, not as I do". Don't get discouraged if you slip up. Simply admit that you made a mistake and that you are still trying to correct your own behavior. It's good for your children to see that you are human, and that the process of changing a behavior is just as difficult for you as it is for them.

Finally, make sure you acknowledge when your child exhibits the desired behavior. Kids may give up if their efforts go unnoticed. Children want your attention; if they aren't receiving positive reinforcement for their good behavior, they will settle for the negative attention they are sure to get when their behavior is the opposite of what you want.

Learn more about this author, Tamara Iannello.
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