by N. A. Green

Created on: November 11, 2008   Last Updated: November 26, 2008

I've known for a long time that I wanted to be a mother. My husband has always known that he wanted to be a father, and when we got married, we both knew that we wanted to raise children together. It took every ounce of willpower that we possessed to not get pregnant right away; to give ourselves some "married time" before we took the plunge into mommy and daddyhood.

The baby fever hit me, hard, when our friends gave birth to their little girl. We were at the hospital, and I held her when she was about an hour old. It was the youngest baby I'd ever held, and I remember so clearly gazing down at that tiny little bundle in my arms, her little fists moving about; her eyes not even open, that I held in my arms a miracle. I was instantly in love with that little child, and she wasn't even my flesh and blood. It became clear to me, then, that I wanted more than anything to be a mother.

We waited almost another year after holding that little baby girl before deciding, finally, that we were ready. Two years after saying, "I do", we finally decided to take that step. We were ready to try to have a baby.

In October of 2007 we made our decision, and on December 2nd, 2007, after only one cycle of "trying", I found myself standing alone in my bathroom at 5:00 in the morning, staring at a beautiful, pink plus sign on a home pregnancy test. My breath came in ragged spurts, as the tears streamed down my face. I put my hand to my mouth and gasped, "Oh, my God." I put down the test, and crept into the bedroom where my husband lay still sleeping. I crawled onto the bed, and nudged him gently. "Josh," I said. "Honey, wake up." He sat up in a flash, quickly looking around and asking what was wrong. With tears in my eyes, I looked at him and said, "I got a positive." He looked at me, and a grin almost broke his face apart. He grabbed me, hugged me, and we cried and rolled around on the bed for at least a half an hour. We were so thrilled, we were elated, we were beyond words.

We told everyone we knew within two days. Somewhere inside of me, a little voice was screaming for me to be more careful; wait until after the first trimester to announce it, but I hushed that little voice. I wasn't going to keep my joy a secret; I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I had a beautiful little life growing inside of me. From the second that I knew my little baby was there; I was in love. Suddenly, my perception of life changed. Articles would describe my stage of pregnancy as "clusters of cells"

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