by Dossie M Terrell

Created on: November 10, 2008   Last Updated: May 14, 2012

Communication

Couples might love each other more than words can express, but they can not read each other's minds; therefore, communication is the single most important tool in creating and sustaining any great relationship. Assumptions are great for scientific experiments, but they do not work in relationships: always express concisely and unequivocally any problems before they escalate into something each may regret. If each learns early on it's not what they say, but how they say it, they will most likely have a great relationship. Couples should always temper their words and remember, whatever they are experiencing is episodic but, hopefully, their partners will be around for a long time. The Bible says in Proverb 15:1 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

When couples are not each other friend, that is sharing some of their deepest thoughts, it is impossible to create loving relationships as they will not be able to develop the trust needed to sustain lasting relationships. Friends share confidences, they do problem solving, and they rejoice in each others' positive outcomes and commiserate over negatives. Couples should be able to discuss these types of issues and more. Misunderstandings occur when couples are not able to communicate their heartfelt desires, needs and expectations.

Before cohabitating, couples should have honest discussions and have as much information as possible about each other's sexual preferences and needs. They should not wait until they have set up house to discuss what they like or dislike or hide behind the "oh I thought you knew or if you love me you would." If they are not in agreement on this one, believe me things will continue deteriorating until they have nothing left to salvage.

Before conception, couples should discuss the number of children they will produce as well as how they will be rear them. Too many couples wait until after they have children to discuss these important issues and quite often find they are not in agreement on how they will bring them up or the method of discipline. Diverse views on child rearing are right up there with financial woes and can create havoc in the most stable relationships.

Couples should learn, as a rule, to always speak in a language each understands. For example, if one is not performing or carrying his or her share of household chores, asks for assistance rather than playing the name game or acting the long-suffering martyr. Many women will automatically

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