by Miss L V Liufalani

Created on: November 10, 2008

Innocent Child No More.

I was 7 years old when it first happened. I don't even remember how it all got started. But as I look back years later, I feel no sadness, no joy, fear or shame. Why should I? It wasn't even my fault. But at such a young innocent age, I realise now that I lost a part of myself and it changed my life forever and still unconsciously effects my decisions today.

My deepest and darkest secret, now long forgotten as the years went by. Admittedly because I willed it away, mentally shoved it deep inside and was completely ignored. Like it never even happened, but unfortunately my parents never forgot. It was years before they let me go off on my own again. They were terrified that I would get myself into something sinister without even realising it until it was too late.

I clearly remember the day my mother confronted me. Looking back now as I do with a sense of detachment. I can't imagine the over whelming feeling that she must have felt as I broke down in front of her or my father's devastation at finding out.

My mother opens my bedroom door to ask me something and stands still just looking at me. In surprise I try and cover myself quickly with embarrassment.

"Jessie, how old are you again?" Mum asked in an off handed manner.

Confused I answered anyway "Umm 10 years old. Why?"

With a frown on her face "You haven't been playing with yourself have you?"

Stunned I replied "No, why would I do that?" I remember her explaining to me a year ago what that meant. After this comment she closes my door and sits quietly on my bed. I continue to look at her and then decide to carry on getting dressed. Once finished she asked me to sit on the bed with her.

"Then why are your boobs getting bigger? And you are starting to grow hair"

Now I started to get nervous and couldn't look at her in the eye. She stayed silent for what seemed like ages but could only have been a few moments. Hesitantly I said "I I can't tell you"

Now fearing the worst, she says "You can tell me anything and I won't do anything." She waited for me to look at her. "Now tell me the truth, what are you hiding"

I started to cry "He He said He said that I would get in trouble if I said anything."

"I I didn't want to get in trouble" I said while sobbing.

"Who said that?" She said calmly to me.

"Uncle Sam" I mentioned as I started wiping my eyes, so I didn't see her face turn pale from shock. "He said that if I told anyone, something bad would hap happen to me and I would get in tro trouble."

"So when did it

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