by Amanda Piper

Created on: November 10, 2008   Last Updated: December 10, 2008

We see it happening far too often, divorced parents trying to turn the children against the other parent, or the other parent's choice in a new partner. It even happens in families where the parents are not divorced or even separated.

I can tell you from experience, this does nothing but hurt the child or children, and in the end it will cause them to resent you, not the other parent!

I didn't grow up in a conventional two parent family. I was born to a single mother, but spent much of my time in another home. I call it a foster home to make the explanation easier, although it was not court mandated. My "foster" mom was an older woman, divorced twice, who'd already raised two boys before I was born.

Although my biological mother and foster mother were friends before I was born, their friendship dissipated not long after, however they remained in contact for my sake. I spent weekends and school vacations with my foster mom, and school days with my real mother. As I grew up the two of them actually began hating each other, and I think each was jealous of my affection for the other.

Although she meant well, my foster mother would never stop trying to convince me that I should hate my real mother. My real mother was young, immature, and irresponsible. I was often told horrid stories of things that my mother did before I was born, and when I was too young to remember. She was a completely frustrating individual, a free loader, and above all, selfish. The things my foster mother told me were not lies. She used horrible words to describe my mother, and at one point I even went along with her and started using those words about her myself.

I grew tired of hearing about all my mother's faults. I knew she wasn't perfect, but deep in my heart I loved her anyways. I went along with my foster mom just to make her happy, basically so she would stop, but it hurt me. I was sad every time I heard bad words about my mother. I often cried myself to sleep. I always wondered how my foster mom, who I also loved dearly, could be so cruel to the other woman I loved.

As I grew older I learned to resent my foster mother. Her feelings towards my mother were tearing us apart. But at the same time I was beginning to see she was right. When I was twelve years old I chose to move in full time with my foster mom, but my resentment towards her only grew worse. At sixteen I changed my mind and moved back home full time with my mother. After that I didn't speak to my foster mom for four years.

Living

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