by Jennifer Wells

Created on: November 10, 2008   Last Updated: September 15, 2010

My parents took a neutral approach to Santa Claus that has served me well, and which I now pass on to my daughter.

As a mother it is my privileged duty, especially in the tender formative years, to build an environment of trust and security for my daughter. I feel to the depth of my soul that it would be wrong to intentionally cause her to form an attachment that ends in what is emotionally equivalent to the death of a friend.

When I was little I took every relationship for granted, be it with my favorite dolls or the people in my life. This is a natural and healthy thing, and my daughter is the same way. If I were to introduce Santa to her as a real person, she would take him for granted; sub sequentially grieving over the loss of that illusion whenever it is that I cared to shatter the glass on the matter. It just does not seem right to lose her confidence in me even as I am daily trying to establish myself as her safe place and person whom she can always trust in life.

This brings to task the other lies a parent tells; are they all really harmless? In my book, lying to children other than to protect them is just plain lazy parenting. Honesty, spoken gently and appropriate to the age, is a good thing. I will not have to re-train my child about so many things. What she knows today, the details notwithstanding, she will learn more about as she grows. It is, I believe, a more emotionally healthy way to live.

This is the second Christmas that Becka is able to 'understand' as a holiday, and the first that she is approaching with retained excitement from the year before. Santa Clause, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman... all are a much-cherished part of Christmas in our home. The difference lies in the context of their inclusion; they are stories.

My husband and I follow the footsteps of my parents and told her that on Christmas we worship the birth of Christ. As for Santa and the other Christmas characters, we simply told her that they are fun stories made for this time of the year. It was a very short and simple explanation, and one that has allowed her to welcome all aspects of Christmas in her own way. There will be time to add the details as she gets older. In the meantime she experiences all the excitement of Christmas without the eventual sense of shock and loss.

That is where I think parents underestimate their children. Many adults will tell you that they handled the news well, but for each of them is another who admits they were crushed and distrustful from

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