by Haddy

Created on: November 10, 2008

Next-door to My Heart

He moved. He just one day up and moved without so much as a glance in my direction. He didn't even say goodbye to me. He didn't turn his head to smile at me, as if to say, " all was forgiven." He gave me nothing. Any opportunity I once had was gone in an instant. I will never know what could have been. I'll never know what the last two years of my life have been about. When he walked out that door for the last time he took all my hopes and dreams with him. He took my inspiration and left my heart for dead.

Nothing in my life seems right anymore. I've been sad lately. I've never felt so lonely. I've had this ache in a location of myself that I never knew existed. Now I only see life through black and white eyes. I can barely keep putting one foot in front of the other. Everything is wrong now. I can't sing any more. I can't smile. I don't want to eat. I want to disappear into myself. If he couldn't love love me then no one can.

This man's importance in my life didn't end when he left. His effect on me is still ever present. For the last three years I have loved him. For three very long years he loved me, he loved me not. He liked me, he liked me not. Mostly he just loved, then liked me not.

His living in the other side of my duplex made life bearable for me. Back then, I could glance out the window and steal a peek at him each day. If I was lucky, I'd catch a glimpse of a smile on his face. Usually he was directing it toward a child playing in the neighbourhood. Those moments would cause my heart to skip a beat or two. Timeslike these reminded me I was very much alive. Those times were enough to sustain me through even the roughest of days. I used to sing knowing he could hear me. Perfecting my vocals because he was listening between the walls. The passion in my voice is gone now. It walked out the door with him. My voice is flat and aimless now.

It was a hot, summer day in June, the first time I saw him. I wouldn't call it love at first sight. Not at all. He wasn't even close to what I considered my type as far as looks go. He was about six foot tall. He was a brunette, although his hair was dyed blond. I could see his dark roots poking out of his scalp, but just barely. I was outside enjoying the beautiful weather. I saw him out of the corner of my eye. he approached me on my porch. He came up to me, looked me in the eyes and asked me how this neighbourhood was? He told me, he was considering moving into the not so long ago vacated side of my duplex. He informed me that he was a single dad, extended his hand to me in a hand shake and said, Hi my name is Parker, It's nice to meet you. He had a strange warmth in his expression. Looking back now, I realize even at that first meeting I couldn't help but smile at him. There was something about him. Perhaps he seemed like an old soul to me even then.We made pleasantries and shortly after he went on his way. It never occurred to me that I would see him again, let alone come to love him, and then lose him. How was I to know I would never get over this man? This man next- door to my heart.

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