by Jay Ferguson Clarke

Created on: November 10, 2008

Several years ago, I became desperate to know my future because nothing seemed to go well in my life. I was twenty six years old, had been in a few immature relationships and had one heart breaking romance which destroyed me. Deep down, since I was three years old I knew I had a soulmate and that one day I would walk down the aisle with all my friends and family around me. Shortly after that, I met someone. He was four years younger, entertaining, made me laugh and lifted me from my doldrums. I was completely sucked in by his constant words, that I was the girl for him. I wasn't instantly attracted to him and even struggled over responding to his letter asking me for a date. I was so nice that I said yes'. The relationship started and went on. Six months later, I looked at him and thought that he was a nice boy, but I still didn't really fancy him. Two years later, I felt the same, but oddly enough, I actually knew I loved him and told him this for the first time. He was elated.

After four years, I believed it was time to marry and at the age of thirty I was starting to panic about having a baby. He didn't want to marry and insisted that he wouldn't get married until he was at least forty. If we did, he wanted just the two of us to go abroad, away from friends and family. All I wanted was for my Dad to walk me down the aisle. He was terrified of having a baby and I started to notice very odd mannerisms which culminated in his calculating every single cost of a child's life right up to university graduation. As he sat there, reading out his extensive list which lasted about six pages, I became dismayed and let down. My friends didn't really like him as he had quite an unusual character and my family were worried that my needs weren't being met.

In my desperation, I turned to psychics. I needed to know if I would ever have a chance of having a baby. I was always maternal and loved children. I used to cry watching soaps on television and would pine every time someone got married, pregnant or gave birth. My heart ached. I went to see Sarah. Before I even got sat down in front of her large puff of blue cigarette smoke, she was throwing things out at me which totally unnerved me by their accuracy. She asked me if I loved this man. I said I did. She said there would be another man for me. I sat and looked at her blankly. I couldn't even fathom what she was talking about. There was no way I was leaving him, I loved him and maybe this was just, what I believed at that

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