by T. H. Orin

Created on: November 10, 2008   Last Updated: October 06, 2011

Adoption is a wonderful way to provide a family for a child who needs a stable home.

It is not a relationship to be entered into lightly, however. Adoptive parents should fully understand the extent of their commitment before they begin adoption proceedings. Many people are willing to show love to a child who needs a home, but they wonder about what their options are if "things don't work out". The options are simple: You are the parent of that child from the moment the adoption is final. You must do whatever you would do in that situation had the child come from your own body.

Many people don't know that adoption is such a permanent and serious relationship. If you read the court documents that make an adoption final, you soon notice that the court is joining your family with the new child in the same way that a child's physical birth into your family joins you with them forever. In the eyes of the law, an adopted child is just the same as one that is the issue of your body.

This is true in every area of life, including inheritance. Your adopted child is entitled to an inheritance according to the laws of your state, in exactly the same way your natural child is. If you are involved in an adoption and your lawyer or judge has not mentioned this to you several times, they are missing an important point.

This is not a negative thing. If anything, it serves to reinforce the truth that adoption is intended to be a permanent relationship.

These days, many people get married thinking, "If it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce." That's not how it works with adoption. It is a commitment that should be taken very seriously. (So should marriage - much more seriously than it has been honored in our culture lately, but that's a subject for a different article!)

It's also important to remember that there really should be no distinction between an adopted child and your natural child or children, if you have them. It's not healthy for you to call one your "adopted child" and the others something else. Doing this can cause divisions in your family, and belie the fact that the adopted child is in every way your child, just as the natural child is. It is more accurate and more fair to call all of them your children, and leave it at that.

Consider carefully when you are involved in adoption proceedings the full extent of what you are agreeing to. If you think that a permanent, deep, meaningful commitment to be someone's parent for life, just as you would for your biological child, is not what you want, then consider other options. Less permanent options might be to serve for a time as the child's guardian, or to serve various children as foster parents. In those cases, you can provide care for the child and see to their needs, while keeping your options open should you decide to change the arrangement later.

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