by Monica Frede

Created on: November 09, 2008   Last Updated: September 10, 2009

The following article is purely satirical. I do, honestly, love my dog, Charlie Brown. He is a ten-week old chocolate lab, and by far the cutest chocolate lab that has every existed. I have had other dogs growing up, five to be exact, and starting over again with Charlie Brown was supposed to be routine like every other dog I've had. But then there was a crisp, fall day in October, and a quick trip to Target for a tube of toothpaste, and my life changed forever.

Charlie Brown was at home sleeping in his cage, such a cruel jail that I hated to put him in, but only did it because he was not potty trained yet. I would only be gone for an hour, I justified to myself, and he had his fleece blanket, brown and soft just like his skin, to keep him warm during my absence. Speed walking through Target to the toiletries aisle, I glanced over my shoulder to see buckets of little costumes, not for babies, but for dogs. I froze mid-step, forgot what I originally came to the store for, and spent an hour sifting through the plastic bags with mini penguin, reindeer, and elf costumes.

"He could be a baby penguin!" I spoke out loud to no one in particular. I could picture him walking through our small town, trick or treating, getting giggles and smiles from all of my neighbors. Never before did I entertain the thought of dressing my dog in a Halloween costume, but never before had I held an array of costumes in my hand, and for only three dollars each. After much deliberating, I choose only the elf costume.

When I arrived home, Charlie Brown was asleep on his brown blanket, and I woke him up to show the first of many costumes he would inevitably wear throughout his life. It must be like a chocolate chip cookie- taste that first cookie, and before you know it, you are one empty container and two glasses of milk fatter. He looked so adorable prancing around my bedroom, little bells jingling with each step, and the shiny green fabric glistening in the 40-watt lighting, that I almost missed trick-or-treating because of all the pictures I was taking.

Once we made it to town, he unknowingly drew attention from every disguised man, woman and child. He didn't mind the attention, but I reveled in it. There were, "Mommy! Look at the cute puppy!" and "Awwww....that puppy is wearing a costume!" Everyone looked at me like I was a loving, generous, and thoughtful owner. I was, wasn't I? I brought much joy into Charlie Brown's life that day.

Unfortunately, a grey rain cloud rumbled over my afternoon of sunshine when the first of many little children remarked, "Look at that doggy dressed up as a clown!" What? My dog was not a clown- "Um, actually, he is an elf. See? There are the Christmas bells around his neck, can't you hear them?" Then I heard the same comments coming from adults; one adult threw out a casual, "He's the king's joker!", to which I replied, "No, he is not." And kept walking. Trick or treating was over, Charlie Brown surely collected more candy in his plastic bag than the children who thought he was a clown, and we went home to review my digital pictures.

Later that night, I scoured the internet, looking at websites that sold matching Louis Viutton luggage for owners and their pets, researched where the closest doggy day care centers were, and set up an appointment at a professional photography studio for Charlie Brown and I to get our holiday postcard ready to mail to friends and family. I wonder if my local salon would cut his hair because it is rather unmanageable right now with this unpredictable weather...

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