by Natasha L. Kohlhoff Polak

Created on: November 09, 2008   Last Updated: June 05, 2009

Loving words spoken to our children are vital to their existence! The more positive words we speak, the more secure and well-adjusted they become. I have known children with behavioral issues, bad grades, and poor self-esteem. When observing them with their parents, I could easily see the cause. In all cases, it was the same the parents didn't know how to relate to their children, and didn't know how to convey love to them.

I don't doubt they loved their children, but I think somewhere along the line they stopped openly communicating it, and the children did what they could to gain attention. Unfortunately, all of these children were victims to broken home lives. Their parents were unhappily married or divorced, and there were custody fights or constant job changes. I will say that I've also known some children who despite their circumstances, they have always known they are loved by their parents. As adults, these individuals have very positive and healthy relationships with their parents and peers. What made the difference? Their parents encouraged them to pursue their strengths, made themselves available so that their children knew they were important, and they spent time talking to them as well as listening to their problems or needs.

I am also a parent now. My husband and I are raising our daughter, hoping that she will grow up to be happy. I admit it's hard and sometimes scary knowing that your every move is scrutinized by little eyes and ears. I know my daughter hears me say things contrary to what I should, and has learned to have a temper because of having two hot-headed parents. But she also knows we love her, even if sometimes she has to ask if we do. We try to spend quality time with her, and celebrate her unique traits. Because of this, she is not shy to pursue the things she loves, and she is always drawing pictures for us, reciting songs, or story-telling. The best part of my day is when I can look her in the eye and tell her I love her, I'm proud of her, and I am so glad to be part of her life. Though my husband is busy with work, the time he spends with her is also something she cherishes. Even if it is brief interaction, I can always tell when she is satisfied in her day because she will settle down at the end of the day and not give us problems in sleeping at night. So it is very important to always keep dialogue flowing between you and your children, so that there is never any question of your love and support for them, no matter how much time you do or don't have with them each day. Eventually they'll leave the nest, and the only way they'll want to visit is when they know they are accepted.

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