by PracticalHappiness.com

Created on: January 16, 2007   Last Updated: March 05, 2011

Confidence is Not a Disease It's a Side Effect.

Few qualities of human and particularly male personality are more praised than confidence. We, men, hear so much about it. Confidence seems to be the foundation or at least an essential element of success in a professional world, social settings, and romantic relationships.

Women consider confidence to be one of the most attractive qualities in a man. Ask any woman what qualities she finds most appealing in men and what turns her on. Confidence will usually be on top of her list. Indeed, every step in a man's pursuit of a romantic partner requires a great deal of confidence on his part. Approaching a woman, kissing a woman for the first time, becoming sexual with a woman and even handling different conflicts in a romantic relationship requires us to be enthusiastic, to get out of our comfort zone, and to pursue things in a proactive manner. Shyness and lack of confidence, on the other hand, impede the ability of many men to have a successful romantic life.

Confidence is indeed a great quality to have. But how does one acquire it? It is a shame that most of the commercially available materials on marketing skills, self-help, and dating are of literally no help in this crucially important subject. These popular sources suggest that men should simply be confident, they should act confidently, or they should "fake it until they make it." In other words, most books at your local bookstore suggest an easy way, a quick fix to the fundamental problem in inner psychology lack of confidence. Few, if any, men find the tricks that these books suggest to be effective. Affirmations and positive self-talk are notoriously ineffective and are widely criticized. Acting confident without actually being confident does not really make anybody look confident and never creates a presence of a person who is genuinely proud of who he is and has a high self-esteem. When a man fakes confidence, the lack of authenticity in his behavior becomes apparent to the outside world very quickly. The awkward bodily movements and lack of congruence between that man's behavior and his words give away the unstable nature of his sense of self-worth in any situation.

It is often suggested that a man should feel good about who he is, but it is rarely pointed out that a person actually needs valid reasons to be sure of himself. Such a certainty comes from personal achievements achievements that reflect on that man's valuable skills and traits of character.

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