by Ken Bradford

Created on: November 09, 2008

Many intimate relationships, which begin in total infatuation, may, overtime, turn into violent and abusive nightmares. Domestic violence doesn't always begin with a slap, a kick or any type of physical violence, but more subtle gestures or comments may be signs of things to come. There are definitely some very significant warning signs to be taken seriously in recognizing a potential abusive relationship.

This discussion will focus on domestic violence as it affects women, since the U. S. Department of Justice states that 95% of domestic violence victims in America are women.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your relationship, whether it is a marriage or just a live-in arrangement, which may help in recognizing a potential violent and abusive relationship:

Does your partner seem to go out of his way to embarrass you, call you bad names, or try to put you down?

Many violent relationships begin with "intimidation", which is no more than an effort to destroy your self-esteem and make you feel inferior to your partner.

Does your partner ever stare at you in ways that make you feel uneasy or scared?

Domestic violence, according to the experts, is learned behavior and the purpose of these gestures is to attack your pride and make you feel less than him.

Does your partner make all the decisions and control all the money in your relationship?

Choosing one partner to keep the checkbook balanced and pay the bills is perfectly normal in some relationships. The difference comes when your partner doesn't even let you see the checkbook or his paycheck. Domestic violence is all about power and control and if your partner never discusses anything with you, makes you ask for money, or even sometimes steals your money; there definitely might be a problem.

Has your partner ever destroyed any of your personal property?

This again falls within the "intimidation" phase of the cycle of violence. Your partner is proving his male dominance to you and is inflicting his violent behavior on you through your most treasured personal property.

Does your partner accuse you of having affairs?

Partners who have learned to behave violently toward women always must have someone or some thing to blame, because they would never blame themselves. In the vicious cycle of violence, there is a phase known as the "set-up victim" phase. The abuser feels the need to show his power by committing violent acts toward you, but in his mind, he needs a good reason. Accusing you of cheating on him makes him

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