by Maggie West

Created on: November 09, 2008   Last Updated: December 04, 2008

It is my belief that we begin our journey toward the type of partner we will become at a very young age. During our formative years, it is the observations and teachings of others, or the lack thereof, which points our way.

As infants are we coddled or cuddled, ignored for long periods of time or held skin to skin by our parents, often? As toddlers and at elementary school age, do we see our parents argue, bicker, become physically violent and disrespectful of one another; or hug, kiss, playfully tease each other, and essentially cherish the moments they have together?

Understanding that these matters shape our adult behaviors and characters is unequivocally significant. By adolescence, our upbringing has forged the mold that shapes the man or woman we offer to the objects of our affections.

Our inner blacksmith tweaks this mold with each romantic encounter. We begin to realize what is expected of us by others: In our roles as lovers, partners, mates, and play things, etc. These "nip and tuck" procedures do not cater to the fantasies or whims of another, however. We cannot break the mold that formed us for the sake of someone else. We can try. The desire could be great. But, overall, we change subconsciously, so to speak, not consciously. At times, the biggest sledge hammer with which life arms itself does nothing more than place diminutive dents on our exterior.

It is our experiences in the romantic world that have a more permanent effect: Trial and error seem to emit the fires that melt the hardened outer layers. Realistically, however, any change could take years to realize, to recognize. On the other side of that coin, some of us appear never to change.

There is a point to all this

If the men or women we chose as mates are on their fifth or sixth relationship, if our husbands or wives are on their third or fourth go-around, if we have been down "this road" many times ourselves, then the die has already been cast. It becomes even harder to change.

Due to all the above, when I read the following message from a female reader, I couldn't help but think that she may be on a very long and arduous path.

I have been living with a guy for a little over a year. We met at my best friend's wedding. We get along great most of the time. It's some of our arguments that worry me.

He will lash out in anger over the smallest things. He seems annoyed with quite a few things I playfully tease him about.

As far as I know, we have been very honest with one another. I know about his past

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