by David Smith

Created on: November 09, 2008   Last Updated: December 04, 2008

Is it fair to expect a mother to risk alienation from her adult children? This is the question I'm forced to ask myself when considering this debate. Some will argue that it's a mother's responsibility to mediate conflicts between her children because she knows her children the best. Often times, conflicts between adult children require one side admitting they were wrong, or giving up their position. Human nature tells us to fight for what we feel is right. It is very hard to convince someone that they are wrong without hurting their feelings. If a mother is expected to mediate the situation, it would be very easy for an adult child to resent her involvement as showing preferential treatment for the other sibling. We all spend most of our lives looking for the approval and acceptance of our parents. That doesn't end when we become adults and branch out on our own. In fact, the need for approval and acceptance might even grow stronger in the adult years, because that is when we are expected to prove what we really have become.

Generally, the best kind of conflict mediator would be a neutral party that can here both sides of an argument objectively and offer non-partisan advice. Each child has his/her own unique emotional bond with their mother. For a mother to mediate a conflict between her children, she risks one or both of the conflicting parties becoming upset with her for not seeing their point in the argument. I simply don't think the risk is worth the reward.

I think conflict resolution between siblings is also a very good time for two adults to learn peaceful conflict resolution without mediation. We all are faced with conflicts in our personal and professional lives, and more times than not, there will not be any hope for mediation. Sometimes, there is not option but to utilize a mediator, but most of the time we must learn to resolve our own conflicts ourselves. There is a great amount that a person can learn about themselves by learning to swallow our pride long enough to listen to those we find ourselves conflicting with. They may have a very valid point that we were never able to see. It can be a true eye-opening experience. The same can be very true with sibling conflicts. There may be a lot of things that we never knew about each other until we are forced to really listen to one another with an open mind. Through conflict we should open our minds and our hearts to accepting new and different ideas. What a great way to become a better person!

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