by Liomas Thomas

Created on: November 09, 2008   Last Updated: December 03, 2008

Your spouse should be willing to help to a point. Humans often go for extremes, and the truth lies somewhere between. Yes, your spouse should help you, be there for you. What if it was a sick friend instead of a parent? Or just about anything else in your life? Shouldn't they want to get involved? What are they really saying if they refuse, point blank, to help the people who nurtured you?

However, if your money is tight, and your parents want a trip to Florida, you know, you just might be pushing it. Yes your spouse should help, but not at the cost of your family, spouse, or other. If you have children, they need you, almost as much as your parents. There are senior living centers and daycare places. Deciding between them can be grueling. Your spouse should not make decisions worse by demanding to much of your attention.

So how much should you give to your parents? These questions depend entirely on the people involved, something that is often overlooked by many of helium otherwise wonderful members. Your spouse will need only so much of your attention, your parents so much, and only you can decide if they are being honest. Could your husband really not do laundry, or does he just not feel like it? Do your parents really need you to drop everything and drive them right now, or could they schedule trips to the store with you?

It might be necessary to draw a line and say, this is how much support I give you, and that is it. It will be hard, but might be needed.

Your spouse should try and understand. If your parents request one weekend a month to help around the house, or to see them, honestly, what kind of person would say no? what if you had a hobby or a business trip that took you away for that much time? What is wrong with your spouse that they are such a controlling freak? Unless, of course, you have like twelve kids and are honest to God really needed at home. Then, maybe, your constant sneaking away to your parents might be too much. But, remember, is something that is different in each case, and must be decided by the individual.

For instance, when I worked in the fire department, many of the men were capable of looking after themselves. They could run a washing machine. Figure out a stove. Wrestle the kids to a fast food joint and back safely. Navigate a store. Some men claim to get lost anywhere that is not between the house a the nearest sport center. Some parents can look after themselves, some are truly crippled, and some just want attention.

You see how simple it is?

Sit down with each party. Determine how much time they need, truly need, and what they can get by with and without.

Then ask yourself how much you can give. Not how much is needed, or how much in a fantasy world, but honestly, brutally, how much can you give?

Then make the decision, trying to be fair to everyone.

That's it.

Yes your spouse should support you, but not at the cost of your household. If you go over and over the finances, and can't produce a thousand a month extra, your parents will just have to move into a cheaper home. Find a caregiver. Room with another old couple. If they truly need you for a while, your spouse will just have to eat cold food and wear clothes from the closet for the day you spend with your elderly parents.

Remember your parents deserve your support, and so does your spouse. Only you can decide how much for each.

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