by Wendy Brock

Created on: November 09, 2008

You can legally annoy library patrons without getting thrown out! The secret is in one word: subtlety. If you have a penchant for annoying people, follow this sure-fire way to grate someone's nerves. The best part is this: they can't throw you out!

All of these annoying things rely mainly on planning. You can't let anyone know that you are intending to annoy. You have to act as natural as possible. If you're an actor or have acting experience, it will come in handy.

These are all intended to distract one person or just a few people at a time. These are not enough to disrupt the entire library. You really have to be a die-hard annoyer because the only person in on these "pranks" is you.

Assume breathing problems.
When someone is nestled into a good book or trying to write a research paper, heavy breathing can really distract them. Go to the reference section where people are studying and sit near someone. Read your book for a few minutes and then start. Take a deep, slow breath in your nose and exhale slowly out your nose. Wait a moment and do it again. Switch it up by taking a deep sigh. Sniffle a few times. Then mix it up and start all over.

Chew gum with your mouth open.
Need I say more?

Swish papers.
There is no one more important than the person who thinks he is so important with all his papers. Be that person. Take a folder with all kinds of papers and spread them out on a table in a study area. Shuffle them around. Straighten them up by collecting them all and tapping them on the table. Read a paragraph or two from a book or just pretend like you're reading, then all of a sudden, frantically search for something. Scatter your papers, flip through them and make as much noise with the paper as possible. Then suddenly stop. Once the quiet is sustained, grab a paper and wad it into a ball as quickly as possible. In a dead silence, this sound can be as loud as a shotgun and can make people jump. (I know because I have tried it. It's hilarious.)

Have a tickle in your throat that you just can't get rid of.
Clearing your throat can easily distract and annoy. Start out with short deep grunts while keeping your mouth closed. As the other patrons start to fidget from you, take it to the next level and fake cough a couple of times. This takes some at-home practice because you don't really want to hurt yourself. You can hurt your vocal cords if you strain too much. The other patrons are also scared of this tactic because they will think you are sick and contagious!

Read to yourself,

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