by Melissa Aytche

Created on: November 06, 2008   Last Updated: March 04, 2009

So you love your husband but he just doesn't help you out around the house. Maybe it is something simple and you find yourself not wanting to nag but becoming increasingly frustrated over the situation. Why can't they just see that a little help goes a long way? With a few simple tips you could be on your way to bliss and a helpful spouse.

Most men suffer from what I call mother syndrome. They were raised with mothers who did everything for them. This is quite a challenge as you were probably raised with mothers who didn't do it all for you. This can be frustrating and take some time, but if you stay consistent with your practice you can turn things around.

Let's start by pointing out the things he does do. I realize that this may take some thinking but it is a powerful tool to use. When you recognize and acknowledge the things that he does for you they feel appreciated. Just as you want appreciation for what you do and a little help giving props to the good they do will help turn them around.

Think about your approach. Don't demand something from them or try and use guilt to get it done. You have been together most likely long enough to see through this tactic and already know that it is not effective. Ask for what you want and be courteous.

There is a large difference between, "Honey clean the kitchen" versus, "Honey will you help me with the kitchen". I even try things like, "If you wouldn't mind cleaning the dishes while I finish the laundry that would help me out a lot". I have laid out the expectation and stayed courteous.

So what if he says he cannot do it? He is tired, had a long day, just walked in the door, has something else to do, or even that he just doesn't want to. The very best thing you can do is not to overreact. Empathize with him by acknowledging his reason and simply tell him you are in need of a little help so you both can relax together. Many times this is effective and the fact that you stayed calm and didn't criticize him really helps the situation.

Patience is a key along with utilizing your communication skills. Clearly stating your expectations as well as providing positive feedback when those things do get done. Try to remember that nagging and demanding are only hurting the situation and creating a harder road to overcome.

Try these tips for several weeks and see how your spouse responds. Use your positive approach to evoke change and build your relationships stronger.

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