by Elaine M. Healy

Created on: November 06, 2008

Jealously is an extremely destructive emotion; however it is almost uncontrollable for the person suffering from it. It is a mental uneasiness that stems from fear. Fear of inadequacy, infidelity, and dishonesty. However the driving force behind jealousy is the fear of rejection and abandonment. Regardless of the history of the relationship a person that is jealous by nature will almost always encounter these emotions when excluded from a part of their partners life.

It is important to understand that jealousy is not the result of a situation. The fears that drive jealousy are something that are instilled in the individual early on. It can stem from the relationship between the persons parents or from a traumatic event in their young life or even a traumatic encounter in the adult life. If a person core ability to trust is broken it can be an extremely difficult thing to get over.

The person that suffers from jealous can be stifling to their partner. Wanting to know where they are and what they are doing at all times when what they are really trying to do is to comfort a swell of insecurity within themselves. Jealousy is a heavy burden to carry for everybody involved. The sufferer can actual get have physical symptoms of pain and illness when completely engulfed in the feeling. The partner can feel like a prisoner because of the sufferers needs. It is important for the partner to recognize is that it is not because of them it is because the person they are with has suffered some sort of trauma that has shaken the core ability to trust that needs to be overcome.

The best thing to do is to sit down and have an honest conversation and offer assistance and guidance to your partner. It is a possibility that it may require counseling to overcome the jealousy. If you are dedicated to your relationship then it is a step that people should be willing to take.

More importantly, for a person that suffers from jealousy, it would be a great benefit to your life as a whole to find a way to overcome the fears and insecurities that drive jealousy. Because jealousy is driven from some kind of traumatic event in your life it is important to identify that event and resolve it. Lighten the load, so to speak. It can help you to breathe easier in your relationship, in your work place, with your family, and with your children. When you breathe easier so does everyone around you.

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