by Christine G.

Created on: November 06, 2008

How do you keep your true self safe from painful intrusions?

Are you one of those people who talk and talk and talk, but never say anything? The real you is hiding under the verbiage, afraid to come out. If you stop talking, someone might say something that you don't want to hear. So you keep talking and talking, controlling the conversation, knowing that you are not being heard, but terrified by the thought of getting off the treamill on words. If someone rejects your mess of verbiage, that's OK, because that's not really you. But if you let the real you out and someone rejects that, you'll never get over it.

Are you one of those people who try to be invisible? Are you the proverbial wall flower, who is never noticed, even if you are performing a valuable service? If someone were to pay attention to you, you wouldn't know how to respond, and then what? You might be a beautiful, loving, interesting person with glorious dreams, but that's a secret you would never dare to share because it's just too risky.

Are you one of those people who live in a fortress? You want to look strong and feel safe. None of that touchy-feely stuff for you. People can admire the architecture of the walls you have built, but they must never NEVER try to get inside.

Are you one of those people who simply agree with everybody and tell them what they want to hear? It doesn't cost you anything to keep them happy with empty promises. If they come back and ask you to honor the commitments you made, you can always plead ignorance, or claim that they did not understand you. You are such a chameleon that you have lost sight of what you really think and feel.

Are you one of those people who listens well? You are a gem, and people will love to be around you. They will think you are clever and insightful, but they will never know who you are.

Whatever your strategy for hiding, it will fail you sooner or later. Relationships are nourishing only if they provide acceptance of who you are, just as you are. If you keep your true self under wraps, you may have a thousand friends, but always feel alone.

We are all afraid to tell the unvarnished truth about ourselves. On the faces of those who seem to be doing so much better than we are, we see infinite potential for ridicule, rejection, put-downs, contempt, harsh judgements and condemnation. We must all choose to take the risk of being hurt and rejected in order to find true intimacy with someone else. When we are willing to share our true selves, we create a safe place where other people can be themselves as well.

Is it worth taking the risk? Ah! That's the question. If we find a soft shoulder and a sympathetic ear, our whole world is transformed into a more welcoming place. If we don't, the pain is so intense that we vow never to open up again.

Which is worse, a broken heart that may heal in time, or a heart of stone that is immune to pain, but can never experience the joy of receiving love, acceptance, forgiveness and grace? You decide.

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