by Bravo

Created on: November 06, 2008   Last Updated: April 10, 2010

The finances of a marriage are almost, if not more, important than the emotional and physical aspect of the relationship. As a matter of fact, in many marriages, it appears to be the driving factor in whether or not a marriage becomes successful. Let's be honest, regardless of your position on the importance of money and material things, the reality is that everything that we rely on to keep us alive, safe and secure revolves around money.

In the not too distant past, man (and woman) extracted from the environment what was essential for survival. We hunted and farmed to supply our families with food, we built our shelters and lived in tribes for security. In this day and age we have to purchase everything. We buy the food that feeds our children, pay the mortgage that puts a roof over their heads and invest in the security systems that keep that house secure.

The finances, or what I like to call the economy of a marriage, is crucial, not only for the survival and prosperity of the family, but also for the emotional health of the marriage. In order to effectively manage the finances of a couple, it is important to follow three very basic principals.

1. While both parties will have input on how money is spent,... only one of those people should actually handle the finances. This avoids confusion, over allocation of funds due to lack of communication and provides a single point of management. The person that should handle the finances should be the one with the most desire and capability. In my scenario, I am excellent with math, well versed in finance and have extensive experience with financial software,...so I became the prime candidate. In a friends case, his wife is an accountant and consequently it is she that handles the finances.

2. Regardless of who ends up with the responsibility of the handling the finances, the lines of communication should always be open. Both partners need to sit down and agree on certain limitations, rules and boundaries that they should both abide by, and adhere to those rules faithfully. For instance, my wife and I agreed that prior to spending monies in excess of $100, the purchase or purchases should be discussed and agreed upon first.

3. Maintain separate accounts. This provides a level of independence, self-worth and responsibility. A joint account can lead to a power struggle very quickly with either partner feeling scrutinized, micro-managed and simply as a pawn in the grand financial scheme of things. In my scenario, my wife contributes a portion of each paycheck to my account to assist with the bills, but maintains her own account for use in making personal purchases. I don't care to know what she spends her money on, so long as she continues to provide the funds that I need for me to handle our finances correctly. This gives her a level a freedom and privacy that she wouldn't have if we had a joint account, and consequently allows us to function better as a couple because there is not one person overseeing the behaviors of the other.

Even with separate accounts and only one spouse responsible for handling the bills, the responsibilities of those financials are shared. They are shared through open communication and agreed upon rules and boundaries. They are shared by a mutual respect and acknowledgement of each role either person plays in the finances of the marriage. They are also shared by a responsibility to maintain a certain level of financial independence while contributing to the joint effort of keeping food on the table, a comfortable place to call home and a healthy relationship to keep it all working.

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