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HOW TO SCARE A TELEMARKETER

Of course most people who are not telemarketers resent being hassled in their leisure time by this species of people who don't seem to want to take no for an answer. I have dealt with various telemarketers in different ways over the years and here are some of them to amuse you. Please be assured that I have never PHYSICALLY hurt any telemarketers, much as I might have really wanted to.

The guy who rang me up wanting to sell me a mortgage, except he wanted to speak to the man of the house, when there wasn't one, I was the sole mortgagee.

Guy: Hello ma'am, can I confirm I am speaking with Ms XXX?

Me: Yes, that's me, what are you selling?

Guy: Nothing ma'am, I need to confirm some personal details such as the address and your date of birth

Me: You called me, I am not confirming anything! Now what do you want to sell me?

Guy: May I speak with the man of the house please ma'am?

Me: No you cannot.

Guy: Sorry ma'am is he not at home at present? I would like to speak with the mortgage holder.

Me: Are you taking the piss? I am the mortgage holder and I'm no man.

Guy: So sorry ma'am, would you be interested in taking out a mortgage at very competitive rates with us (company XXXX)?

Ma'am: You think I want to deal with a company that assumes that because I'm a woman I can't have be the sole mortgage-holder? I don't think so.

Guy: Ma'am I am so sorry to have offended you. Please at least let us discuss your potential needs.

Me: Sure dude, I want a 500,000 mortgage at 0% finance over 30 years, can you sort me out?

CLICK (phone went dead)

I guess he didn't think I was being serious...

Having been registered with the TPS (Telephone Preference Service supposedly you're not supposed to get these marketing calls as you've opted out of any lists) for years now as well as having always been ex-directory, it used to drive me nuts that I still regularly received calls from telemarketers. The above example was several years ago, this one below is just a few months back:

Guy: Hi ma'am, I'm XXXXX calling from Carphone Warehouse, are you the registered name for this telephone line, Ms XXX?

Me: Yes, that's me.

Guy: How are you ma'am. I'm calling to find out if you would like to hear our special offers for line rental...

Me: (interrupting) Hold on a minute, what did you say your name was again?

Guy: My name is XXXXX ma'am. Can I just....

Me: (interrupting again) Hang on, hang on a minute! What's your phone number? I need your phone number now.

Guy: I'm sorry ma'am, we are not allowed

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