by Alison Tennant

Created on: November 05, 2008

My ten things concern Hard Work, Communication, Criticism, Making Love, Arguing, Driving, Fashion, Cleaning, and Manners.

OK, that's nine. I'll find another before I reach the end of the article.

So, Number 1: Hard Work. We may not be able to lift 4-Poster Beds, but - just because you can - it doesn't mean that we leave all the hard work for you! While you've been sitting on your a*, we've washed and dried your clothes, dusted and cleaned your "study", looked after your children, and prepared you a 3-course meal. You knew that really, didn't you!

2, Communication. We LIKE to talk (cue your joke "yes, we noticed") because it makes people aware of what we're doing, what needs to be done, and the state the world is in. We'd like you to join in - just occasionally.

3, Criticism. We're happy if it's constuctive, if it isn't the same every day, and if it doesn't begin with "Oh no, you've done THAT, I was just about to do it for you!".

4. Making Love. Occasionally, we'd like to know how things are for you. Either that Percy is having as much fun as he's giving US or that he's experiencing a problem and so isn't making the earth move.

5. Arguing. We have higher-pitched voices than you, right? So we're not just "screaming". "shrieking", and "wailing", while you're "speaking loudly", "emphasising points", and "explaining your concerns"!

6. oh, yes, Driving. And how many statistics show us to be the better drivers? Agreed, it doesn't mean that each woman is better at each driving skill than each man, but what''s the point in pretending that everything is suddenly our fault? When the gearshift crunches or the car stalls, it might just be the vehicle at fault - after all, it was when it happened to you last week!

7, Fashion. No. we don't expect you to say "Wow!" every time we're wearing something different, but if you did SOMETIMES, it might lead us to believe that you'd even noticed we were there!

8, Cleaning. And you thought that stain on the coffee table had vanished by itself? Or that a leprechaun had polished the bathroom mirror? Oh, sorry, you hadn't even noticed those things!

9. Manners. No, I'm not happy with you laughing at my handiwork. It may not be perfect, but it's better than - oh, that's right, you "didn't have time" to put that shelf up or change that light bulb did you? And, by the way, equality DOES NOT mean the end of manners!

10. Told you I'd think of one. It's an obvious thing I've written at length about elsewhere. Women have been talking about it for a long time now. but you still haven't learned, have you?

You know what I mean - it's two simple arm movements. UP before you aim (Aim? That's a joke); DOWN after you've put 'it' away.

Do I need to explain further?

OK, be fair, you're all thinking. There must be SOMETHING men wish that WE knew.

Yes, there is. It's that they don't like us making lists of their faults.

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