by Allison Beldon-Smith

Created on: November 05, 2008   Last Updated: November 06, 2008

When a person is truly violent then those living with them live a life burdened with terror, which affects their whole personality, for theyare existing in a constant 'hostage' situation, often too afraid even to confide in others due to the reprisal that will occure if they are found out. This situation usually slowly worsens, so that the depletion and brakedown of their courage and personality is slow, but it is systematic and when they reach the all time bottom it is easier to stay and submit than find the courage to go. I know, it took me seven years to get enough courage to walk away, or should I say run; and then I know I owe this to my new baby whom I did not want to grow up with such a role model of fatherhood. I loved the man and understood why the temper occurred, it was the way he had been raised, his whole life subjected to the needs of the farm. He was treated as slave labour from a child and grew to view life distorted. But the hardest lesson I have learned is that love cannot heal and mend everyone and there comes a time when self preservation has to step in and common sense says "Walk away". It is the hardest thing in the world to do, but the most important. Improvement never comes from stagnation. Any fool can lay down and die but it takes courage to fight, or in this case to take flight.

As his attitude turned more and more aggressive, dictatorial and violent, I had to admit to myself that I could not change the past nor mend the man I loved, and I began to fear for my life. I knew I had to claim it back again or be destroyed; he saw me as a slave and commodity, the relationship had ended. I knew that if I stayed even another day it would have come to a situation where I would have had to truly defend myself or die, and have him be the provider and abuser of my child. I was ready to kill to protect us both. Then and only then did I find the motivation to override the fear and realize I must get away! And I went, never looking back, asking for nothing and giving nothing. Metaphorically I built the Great Wall of China between us. It took the help of police and friends but the 'Wall' still stands, and I pray it always will. Its been eleven years now, and I still live with the knowledge that I could and would kill him if I had to, he was and is unpredictable, and totally unstable. Like a scene from a horror movie I fear him like one fears a sleeping cobra, and I hope I never have to face that fear again. Time has taught me that I am strong enough, I have regained my inner Amazon that his constant abuse stole away from me, now I am no longer the fleeing frightened doe with her fawn, now I am a tigress, with iron jaws and razor claws, I have learned my lesson well.

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