by Claudia Murdoch

Created on: November 04, 2008

It's a top fear of exhausted parents of newborns: What if I wind up with an "active" toddler? Will it spell the death of my social life? My marriage? My sleep? My collection of formal china? While temperament is largely inborn, there are many ways parents can encourage calm behavior and channel "active" toddlers' energy in constructive and appropriate directions.

For starters, parents absolutely MUST model calm behavior as much as they can. This is the single greatest way in which a parent can help his or her child to develop a calm demeanor. Parents should do whatever they can to help them feel calm, including taking regular time for themselves, asking for physical help where needed, and, if necessary, seeking help for feelings of anxiety or depression, or simply feeling overwhelmed. From birth, babies take their cues about the world from their parents. Calm, loving parenting assures a baby that she will be cared for, and that there is no reason to be anxious. Meeting a child's needs, from feeding to cuddling to diapering, is an integral part of modeling calm behavior. So, too, is responding to a newborn's cries to have his needs met. While there is disagreement within the parenting community about the exact length of time in a newborn's life that a parent must respond promptly to every cry, it is generally accepted today that not allowing a baby to "cry it out" before six months of age sets a peaceful foundation in life and enables a baby to feel that her world is safe.

Beyond getting off to a calm start, parents of already-active toddlers must set consistent limits and enforce them, particularly when it comes to sleeping and eating schedules. Nothing rattles and upsets a toddler more than being tired or hungry. This is particularly true of active toddlers, whose energetic bodies and frenetic pace demand regular, restorative sleep and high-quality, timely fuel. Rather than expecting their children to adjust to irregular social schedules, parents of active toddlers are especially well advised to avoid activities that will interfere with their toddler's nap or mealtimes. For extenuating circumstances, traveling with a stroller that reclines and always bringing along a healthy snack can potentially assist in mitigating problem behavior.

Additionally, structuring some active time into every day can give a physically demanding toddler the exercise he craves. Simply running around unfettered in a safe area of the park or backyard can help a child burn off excess energy. On bad weather days, singing, dancing, and clapping hands can provide a similar release.

To maintain sanity, parents should designate "toddler" and "adult" areas of the home. The "toddler" areas should be well-childproofed, of course, so that the toddler enjoys a decent amount of freedom to move around and explore without restrictions, and without being told "No" on a constant basis. Then, a parent can keep the children out of the "adult" areas without guilt, savoring the solitude when the child is napping or has gone to bed.

Finally, when making the sacrifices necessary to accommodate an active toddler, parents would be well advised to look at the big picture. Toddlerhood lasts but a few short years. Adjusting one's life now will make for a happier and better-adjusted child for years to come.

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