by Anna Suranyi

Created on: November 04, 2008   Last Updated: November 21, 2008

At first glance, this title seems to call for a how to, step by step guide. However, teens rarely respond to doing things "by the book." As a parent, I have always sought to build foundations for the things I want my children to value, and family meals are no exception. If a family eats their dinner together regularly and the time is filled with conversation, laughter and genuine concern for one another, the value of what is represented by the dinner table will be great. Once the stage (or should I say the table) is set, you are well on your way to teaching your teen to set the table because you have modeled it and shown you value it by investing your own time to make the dinner table special.

Over the years, as our children's friends have joined us for a meal, we have often heard comments like, "My family never makes a big deal about dinner. This is nice." I remember one time in particular when we were having spaghetti; I put the sauce in gravy boats (a thrift store find) and the reaction from my teen son's friend was one of innocent appreciation. He remarked about the simple freedom to put on the amount of sauce he wanted. Something simple, that my own children might take for granted, was seen through another's eyes in a positive way. I was happy to see a look of pride cross my son's face.

With all this in mind, it is important to provide choice-teens crave choice in all things and allowing your teen to express them self in small things is a way to show respect and trust, and a way for them to demonstrate their readiness for responsibility in their choices. During the warmer months, in our home, the person setting the table can choose whether we eat in the dining room or at the table on our deck. In order to give additional choices, I have several cloth table clothes- some are seasonal, and we have a variety of colors and designs. We have two sets of dishes and a variety of glasses, purchased at garage sales and thrift stores. I also make sure we have candles available. Some other ways to provide choices are to buy seasonal napkins, candles and favors after a holiday, when they are on clearance, tucking them away for future use.

It has always been our practice that whoever sets the table is exempt from clearing the table-a much messier and less desirable activity. This has alleviated arguments and the table is eagerly set, if for nothing else a chance to avoid clearing the table. The table setter sets the table with care and attention to what is needed for the meal, condiments, steak knives, salt, pepper, butter, etc. It isn't often that things are forgotten. Pride is taken in having done the job well and we are quick to recognize and thank the person who set the table.

Teaching a teen just about anything begins long before they have the title of teenager. It begins with modeling by the parents, from an early age and demonstrating that love can be shown in many ways, even in or especially in, the daily activities we often do without giving it much thought.

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