by Maverickmuse

Created on: January 16, 2007   Last Updated: April 27, 2007

Lack of appreciation can ruin any relationship, but when a mother has this attitude, it can have the power to destroy lives. How can we protect ourselves and those we love from becoming injured or crippled by this woman?

So many women dedicate themselves to fully giving and providing for their families, but when we find that some women are selfish and demanding, it is difficult to believe. It is all the more so when this is our own mother. In the beginning, we wonder what we can do to make her happy, proud of us, and loving. Then, when we accept her as she is, our energies become devoted to coping with her negativity, insults and demands.

My own mother wants new things constantly, yet complains about every gift we give her. The more we showered her with, the more she would gripe about everything. When I decided to look at her as a spoiled three year old, I began giving less, both financially and emotionally. The irony is that I've become the "favorite" of all my siblings. I've shared my simple philosophy with my brothers and sister, and they, too, are now able to do less for her without the guilt.

This extends far beyond material gifts, too. The gift of time is perhaps the most valuable gift we can give anyone, however, if this is not valued by her, she deserves less of it. By limiting our moments in the presence of this woman, we will find that we have more energy to devote to those that are truly capable and genuinely able to love.

When a person, man or woman, walks through life believing they are "entitled" to every good thing, the appreciation for gifts, whether consisting of time or resources does not exist. I've told my mother, in no uncertain terms, "if you want to be treated like an empress, behave like one." In reality, she is a dictator, but we feel bound by our natural love to be good to her. While she may not be capable of genuine, natural love for her children, we all try to walk in a way that allows us to protect ourselves and our children from her negativity and ill will, while doing the best we can to be loving and dutiful children.

By maintaining healthy boundaries, we not only protect ourselves from the spiritual illness of this person, but we also protect our loved ones, because, like any illness, if quarantined, it won't continue to contaminate innocent people. We will find, too, that we deserved love and appreciation all along. This is the gift we can all appreciate.

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