by Nanci Arvizu

Created on: November 03, 2008   Last Updated: May 19, 2010

She says she doesn't want the drama, that's why she wants it "this way".

I say, she's the one who brought SEVEN children into the world, and that she should have to face the drama she's created.

My Mother-In-Law. The one who wants everything to be "low-key", really what she means is "NO FUN". In her mind, Birthdays should not be events. Celebrators should take the birthday person to quiet meals, separately from other celebrators. Anniversaries should not bring on huge surprise parties, even if the couple is celebrating 50 years of marriage. Religious milestones, graduations, holidays; all should be done in somber moods.

I've been with my husband for over 17 years now, and there is not one family gathering that I can remember where my MIL did not make everyone feel out of place at one time or another. Oh wait I meant to say where she did not make the in-laws or offspring children (her own grandchildren) feel unwelcomed.

Her comment was always the same. She wished that she could celebrate whatever holiday or event with "just" her children, and not have to include their spouses or children. It was all just "too much" for her.

She makes this comment, to no one in particular, but always within earshot of us in-laws. The first time I heard her say it; I thought she was joking, because yes, it was a little chaotic a holiday at someone's home with no less than 28 people, young and old, together under one roof but the mother of all this not wanting to be around the life and lives - she created? I could not imagine her saying something like this and meaning it again, she's the one who had 7 children I figured she must like crowds!

When I heard her say it again at another family get together, I took offense and discussed this with my husband, her oldest son. He was a little upset by it, but being a man who is not so easily ruffled, we decided to no longer be a part of her dilemma. We began celebrating with family before or after "the day", and took our celebrating on "the day", elsewhere either to my family or away to some other fun location creating our own family traditions.

Of course, this did not work to solve my MIL's problem. This only gave her more reason to complain. Now she wasn't getting to see her son on whatever holiday or birthday. When he explained that he was only trying to lessen the head count, her reply was "then leave your family at home and come by yourself. I still want to see YOU."

OK, well, that made him mad, and from then on we made an even bigger

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>