by Mona Alexondra

Created on: November 03, 2008

Relationship Boundaries

I had a call from my best friend today. Was told that his wife was none to happy when she heard, on his voicemail, a few of my innocent, flirty sounding, "sweetie", "babe", "honey" messages. I have 2 problems with this: one, that I use these endearments on both males and females and mean nothing by it and she knows me well enough to know that, and two, that she heard them on HIS phone. The kicker? She has the password to his voicemail and HE didn't give it to her.

Now I'm married also, so I understand the need for respect and trust between spouses and making sure your other half is on the up and up with you. However, in my opinion, there are boundaries. My husband and I are close and respect and trust one another. We also respect one another's private issues. Never would I DREAM of calling a number that popped up on HIS cell phone to find out who called. I would also never try to figure out the password to listen to his voicemails. Nor answer his cell phone whether or not he was nearby. I also know that he would never do any of those things to me. Boundaries. Respecting the boundaries. Trusting that your mate isn't DISRESPECTING those boundaries. These are relationship ideals that my husband and I share that I'm finding out not enough couples do.

There's a certain modicum of boundary respect that's necessary between people in a relationship. Whether or not you trust the person you're with is not the only issue. If you don't trust them, leave. Talk to them to let them know what's going on in your head. ASK questions- don't accuse. Now I do understand that matters of the heart make certain decisions a little harder to make. I also know that when you're in love with someone you tend to take just a little bit more AND lose a little bit more of yourself in the process. I KNOW this. I spent 8 years (before my wonderful husband) in a relationship that my head knew wasn't going anywhere. My heart however, couldn't quite grasp that notion. Did I spend those 8 years in purgatory because of it? Part of me did. Part of me died a little more each day. I know I should have gotten out but when you're in love you put up with just a little more than normal.

There were LOADS of boundary issues and mistrust issues coming from my ex towards me. Where once upon a time he fell in love with my personality and loved me for it, the more we were together, the more he made assumptions BECAUSE of my personality. He should have known that my heart was true to him. Instead,

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