by Mona Alexondra

Created on: November 03, 2008

Love's Grieving

The day I lost you

the 5 Stages of Grief became

conversational norm

though most assuredly, not in the same sense.

In talking with a friend,

they issued the old clich

"...other fish in the sea."

I hate this and decided that in losing you,

I am grief stricken.

DENIAL.

I had the same conversations with you, did

my mirrors for you,

heard your voice, felt your arms,

dressed and acted as you desired.

You weren't around to see,

hear or hold me. I was alone.

ANGER.

I removed jewelry and boxed it,

hid it from my sight,

changed my hair thinking

I need to get you out of my system!

I even wrote "mad poetry" though in the end

all I spouted was words of love.

BARGAINING.

What could I have done better?

Wasn't I good enough? I will try harder.

You know I would move mountains for you,

move closer to you to make things easier

on you, please you better.

Don't turn me away. I can do better. I promise.

HOPE appeared

and the maybe's and what if's

clouded my head.

She was the backbone of my pain

promising things would get easier

though its been two days

and easier was never harder to take.

I still torture myself by reading your words,

still hear your voice when I close my eyes,

can't sleep,

can't eat, just

can't.

Tomorrow I'm hoping for ACCEPTANCE

to wave like a banner before my eyes

so the pain will go away.

ACCEPTANCE

doesn't even come close to what I feel:

I could have been better,

done more, tried harder,

been more of what you needed,

wanted,

loved, desired.

ACCEPTANCE.

Still not there yet

and it still hurts.

I still cry and hear your voice,

I still feel you and need you and want

you;

I'm still your girl

and will still be here for you.

ACCEPTANCE lingers just out of reach

and GRIEF mingles in fresh tears.

You're still gone.

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