by Terry Loving

Created on: November 03, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2009

You will never forget the horror of the abuse that you endured; however, you can create a meaningful life after the pain of domestic violence. Moving past the nightmare of domestic violence isn't easy. The road to sanity and peace will be long, but with personal resolve and much needed resources, you can make it.

My children were my greatest motivation for finding the strength to leave my verbally abusive marriage. Also, learning from the past helped to propel me into action. Growing up with domestic violence taught me that this is a situation that does not correct itself. The longer you stay involved, the worst it will get. The longer my Mother stayed, the more she suffered, as well as her children. I learned as a child that her life was not the life that I desired to mirror.

If a woman is fortunate to escape with her life, there are many agencies that are in place to provide guidance and assistance. My immediate source of help was my church, and my friends. But before I could reach out for a helping hand, I had to open my mind to the possibilities of life without abuse. I had to let in the voices that said to me; "You don't deserve this." "You don't need him." "Think about your children." "You are better than this." But the loudest voice was that of my friend Barbara, "If you are so miserable, then do something about it!" Her words seemed harsh, and cruel while I was in the midst of suffering. But as my friend, she knew that I was a strong person, and I have too much going for me to let someone treat me this way. That was all that I needed.

I realize that it isn't that easy for many women, but the plan to escape starts with a resolved mind, and a determined spirit. It wasn't easy but I had to stop focusing on the situation while I was planning my escape. I had to find a way to tune out what was happening long enough to make my plans. Oh sure, there were triggers and reminders always, but while I was in the planning mode, I had to fight to keep my mind on what I intended to do. I was hurting, but it was no time to feel sorrowful, that time would come later as I went through the stages of grief.

Some nineteen years ago, I planned and executed my life after domestic violence. I have made mistakes along the way for I am still human. But one mistake I did not make was to stay in any relationship that was headed down the road I left years ago. I thank God for delivering me, and I am currently producing a blog to give back to those who are planning to or have escaped domestic violence. It is a blog that will list help with low-income housing, job training, government assistance, and anything that I find useful to post.

AFTER THE RAIN

Didn't know how I was gonna make it;
All I could see was the rain.
Didn't have many happy thoughts,
My life was filled with pain.

I took that chance to change my life,
Had to leave the fighting and the strife.
Made up my mind, "Enough is enough!"
Didn't care that the leaving would be tough.

So here I am, and on my own,
Wasn't my choice that I'd be alone.
But I am strong, and I will maintain,
For now I believe, in life after the rain.

Got a new attitude, a new point of view,
Everyday is a good day to learn something new.
The thought of you will still remain.
But I thank God always, no more you, no more pain.

National Resource site:

http://www.ncadv.org/

National Domestic Violence Hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY for the Deaf: 1-800-787-3224
Help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Se Habla Espaol

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