by Terry Loving

Created on: November 03, 2008

This is a topic that is very close to my heart. Perhaps someone can learn from the mistakes that I have made in this area. Before I begin, let me just say that I love my children dearly, a son, and a daughter who are now grown. They are wonderful people, and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for them.

As a loving parent who grew up with domestic violence, and a fragmented life, I vowed that the world my children grew up in would be much different. And for the most part, I succeeded in keeping my word. I divorced a verbally abusive husband, and moved my children to a place of peace. I centered my life on them, and when they both moved to Atlanta, GA, I felt the need to move as well.

Even though I graduated from college with a Graphic Arts degree, and a certificate in Paralegal studies, I was still searching for meaning to my own life. I never developed my gifts and talents as I should have, because my family was my focus. I would always put myself last so that I could meet their needs if I could, even when they became adults. When they had children of their own, nothing changed. I spent a lot of money on my grandchildren, and I have no regrets. I do believe in helping to take care of family, especially when there is a need.

On the other hand, if I could do things differently, I would not have moved from New Jersey to be close to my children. The move should have been made solely for my own benefit. I probably would have stayed in New Jersey and developed my writing and graphic arts skills. My problem in a nutshell, I didn't focus enough on my own life: what I wanted to be; to do; to become; to change, etc. So my first advice would be, when your children decide to move away, let them go!

Secondly, focus on yourself when your children are grown. If they are thriving and making it on their own, be happy for them, pray for them, and give them room to develop. Go back to school if you can. Take up a new hobby. Make new friends. Do some of the things that you always wished that you could do when you were raising your children. Most of all, trust that God is big enough to take care of them no matter where they are. It is hard to let go of our children. We want to keep them close so that we can protect them from a cruel world. But if they don't make their own mistakes, they will never learn how to survive on their own.

Life is short, and you have a right to enjoy the fruits of your labor. You may have an emergency of your own someday, so save your money, and don't give it all away. We must allow our children to learn how to get what they need in life. Invest so that you can leave your children something in your Will, but live for yourself while you can. In other words, GET A LIFE!

I am trying to focus on myself, not easy, but I enjoy the ride.

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