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If you're someone who's ever shared living space with a significant other, within wedlock or not, you know that there's a lot of truth to the saying "you never truly know someone until you live with them". I think this is especially so these days. Like it or not, times and people HAVE changed, and so have attitudes toward marriage and dating. While there are still those of us who still think of marriage and commitment as very serious matters, it's important to remember that there are many out there that don't. For that reason, it's more important than ever to make sure you really know someone as well as possible before deciding to make your relationship permanent. In my opinion, that means adding a step to the natural progression of things and living together before getting married.

It still stuns me sometimes when I think of how many things I didn't know about people that I had at one point considered spending the rest of my life with. Because I chose to live with these individuals FIRST, I was spared the fate of winding up stuck in marriages with deadbeats who turned out not to be able to hold down a job, people who turned out to be serial cheaters, and even people who turned out to have closet drinking or drug problems. It seems amazing to think that such things can be hidden within a relationship, but believe me when I tell you it IS possible. However, once you and your significant other share living space together things like this come to light, allowing you, at the very least, to make an informed decision about whether or not you really want to be with this person.

Of course, not every problem that might surface is quite so dramatic. You find out a lot about people's other, more ordinary habits as well. Until the two of you share expenses and find out what it's really like to live a life together, you really never truly know what someone's spending habits are like or what their attitude is toward money and shared responsibilities. You find out once and for all whether they will actually prioritize doing their part, or whether they're perfectly happy to leave it all to you to take care of. You find out if your private habits and routines are really going to mesh well over time, and you get a clear, realistic look at what a life together will really be for better or worse. If it turns out you aren't suited to one another? Well, at least you didn't make it legal.

I myself am a firm believer in living together before marriage, and for a significant amount of time. Some may THINK it's because I don't take marriage or commitment seriously, but in actuality, it's because I do - very much so, in fact. I've already been through the unfortunate pain of a divorce once because of one too-quick, not-informed-enough decision. If I marry again, I want it to be forever, and I want to make sure I'm actually choosing the right person for me. That can only happen if I truly know him inside and out, seamy underbelly and all.

Learn more about this author, Shannon Hilson.
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