by Stacey J Field

Created on: November 02, 2008

It happens every Tuesday, I sit down in my science lesson filled with a mixture of apprehension and hope. I have to sit next to him. Don't get me wrong, he's one of my closest guy mates but I've been in love with him for the past 3 or so years on and off. Trouble is, he's as dense as anything! I know he doesn't know because at one point he found out and my entire existence was hellish until he got off my back. It's been so long since it initially happened that I can't even remember why I fell for him in the first place, he's arrogant, irritating, nasty, sarcastic. Then again he's also witty, clever, naively adorable and even nice when he feels like gracing us with that particular aspect of his complicated personality.

Anyway back to the point, sometimes my Tuesday's are heavenly and I feel completely whole and happy for at least an hour and other I'm left feeling empty and hurt. It completely depends on his mood on that day because he somehow manages to control the way I react now. I hate it. That he has this power over me. It's so completely unfair. I bet some of you reading this are wondering what on earth a 16 year old girl knows about love and think I'm being over the top. Fine if you're that biased you can either stay and and tut, stay and have your mind changed or leave right now. Believe me I don't really mind, this is almost a release for some of the more poisonous emotions clogging up my system. You may even be right, what would I know about love? I don't think I've ever felt it before, however I've been completely devoted to this boy for so long now, backing him up even when he went out with my best friend, picking up the pieces when they broke up for the third time and things were nasty between those two. We've had our own ups and downs, happy times hanging out with the rest of the gang, arguments on our own, everything. But I'm still here, I'm still feeling this stupid fuzzy, weak kneed feeling. So for you doubters out there, please inform me what this feeling is. I'd really like to know.

The first science lesson I found out I was sat next to him for the whole year I was a little exasperated, my friends and parents were into the habit of telling me I still liked him, which was probably true but I was trying to forget by burying myself in my weekend job and the wonderful blokes that work there (they are really sweet, but not my type.) It was a good lesson, we worked together and had a laugh. About a week ago he got distinctly colder, which may have been a friend of mines fault as she was trying to convince him to ask me to the prom, of course dropping into the fact I had feelings for him.

This week I'm worried about how he's going to react, I haven't seen him for a week and have matured a lot in that week. Maybe things will be better? I can only hope so.

Learn more about this author, Stacey J Field.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.