by Hilary Baxter

Created on: November 02, 2008

Gone are the days when a father and son had their first man to man talk on prom night. Today's teens copulate and conceive, and sometimes contract with a casual air that shocks even the most tolerant parent. This raises the question: "How do you talk to your preteen about sex?" You don't have to! Music, movies and classmates are already teaching them all they need to know about casual flings, contraception and what they could catch. In fact if you get lucky you won't have to answer any questions at all because somebody else will teach your child all they need to know. Wait, thats probably not what you're aiming for. Well, you have said for years that your child can ask you anything. Just try not to freak out when she asks for birth control.

Decide right now what age you think is approprate to start talking about sex. The subtract three years and get to it. Like it or not you child already knows about sex. And you probably told them yourself, starting with the "Where do babies come from?" The question is, what have they learned since then? With teen pregnancy, STD's and date rapes on the rise, it is more and more important to begin explaining things to your children before someone else does, someone who might give them the wrong idea. Just do it. The longest journey begins with a single step. And If you had known about taking this step you might have used some birth control yourself and avioded the agony of talking to your preteen about sex. Just kidding....

Before you initiate this conversation decide where you stand. Do you want your kid to do what you did? Will you handle things they way your parents did? Specificaly, are you preparing for a safe-sex talk or will it be a no-sex talk? What are your family's moral or religous standings on sex? How do you feel about birthcontrol? How much are you comfortable telliong your child about your experiences, and how much of their's will you expectto be told about? Your child will have questions, be sure you have answers.

Get ready to meet your kid on their own terms. If you have no idea what preconceived notions they hold about S-E-X, try reading what they read and watching what they watch. If you can stand it, listen to their music. This will give you some conversation starters. Ask them if they know what lyrics mean or if they think what is happening on the screen is OK. This starts a series of conversations where no pressure is on the child. Sometimes preteens open up easer if the focus is elsewhere. Hypothetical discussions can pave the way to more personal talks with less embarrassment for everybody.

Expect to have this talk over and over again. As you preteen becomes a teen and is exposed to greater and stranger things they will have more questions. It is important to pace the discussions with what your child wants to know. A younger preteen may have questions about how their body is changing while an older child may want to discuss their options. Most preteens will be most comfortable talking with a trusted adult of the same gender as themselves. If you are a single parent you may want to consider asking a relative or friend to help out.

Don't worry, just because they know about it doesn't mean that they will run right out and try it. On a more serious note, don't delay. Be the first opinion that your child hears. just sit back and try not to loose your mind. The preteen and teenage years are short and life goes on afterwards. And that may be the most important point to make to your child.

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