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Many parents hesitate to talk to their preteen about sex for reasons that include thinking they are too young, not quite knowing what to say, to assuming the schools or merely growing up will eventually educate them. While it is normal to be a bit uneasy in approaching a preteen, doing so can be a great opportunity to positively influence them for a lifetime. Here are some concepts that will allow you to take advantage of this great opportunity with your preteen.

Start Simply- Keep in mind that this is only the beginning of conversations with your child, and laying a good base that welcomes follow up conversations sets a tone for being comfortable to ask and answer specific questions in the future. When if doubt, it's okay to lean a little less on the specific information at first, relying more heavily on opening a path of communication that can be used in the future by both parent and child on the topic of sex.

Share Self-Stories- Without going into too much detail initially, one way to create this avenue for discussion is to share with your preteen about how you were feeling when your parent broached the subject, or how awkward it felt to hear certain things talked about by others not knowing completely what they meant. The preteen will feel more relaxed to know that they are not alone in their feelings of awkwardness, and that eventually things DO come together in this are

Just the Fact- Acknowledging that not EVERYTHING a preteen hears is true. A few examples of general myths and their lack of validity will create a base to question sources of information. It is perfectly okay to admit that you don't know everything there is to know, but that there are great places to find things out together if there is uncertainty. This will also give a preteen confidence to question some of their peers outside of your presence on things that seem distorted.

Honesty- While parents do NOT have to share every part of their sexual history with their children, it IS important that everything that IS shared is true. Kids need to be able to trust their parent as a source of information. Parents who understate or exaggerate will only cause kids to go elsewhere for information. This includes your morals and values related to sex. If these are understated , or one is too permissive in an attempt to be a popular friend, the opportunity to pass on family values is lost. By the same token, putting a preteen in sexual "lockdown" by refusing to talk about the subject, or treating it like it is a dirty notion will only cause them to go "underground" to get answers to their curiosity. Having firm standards in an environment of open information is a great balance to attain.

The biggest mistakes parents of preteens make are either giving way too much information all at once, or not giving any information at all. Rather than viewing sexual discussion as a one time event that can be checked off of a list, it is important rather to view it as a process that occurs over time. Doing this opens pathways of discussion and builds a trust and foundation between parent and child that will allow for growth, imparting of values,honesty, and a healthy relationship in years to come.

Learn more about this author, Tim Driver.
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