by Debra Collins

Created on: January 16, 2007   Last Updated: April 03, 2011

Non-verbal communication can be as powerful a building agent as the layers after layers of fossils and sediment it takes to raise a mountain or it can be as powerful an eroding agent as a single drip of water that, over the course of years, will carve it's way through stone.

We use body language and gestures on a daily basis to persuade and or direct people and events to go our way. The tables are turned on us also though. Think about the last time you changed your mind about a restaurant or movie. Did the conversation also include a shy little smile, just the kind you like or a finger lightly trailing up your arm. Maybe you got you hair played with and the batting of her eyes.

I know exactly what to do to get my way. Nothing is difficult or time consuming but it almost always works. I am attentive to what I know for a fact that he likes. When I am near him, I touch him, lay my hand on hi sarm. run my fingers through his hair or just walk up behind him and put my arms around him. I compliment him through out the day on his appearance or projects he's doing. I tend to be a little more of a "nesting" spirit when I'm trying to get my way. By this I mean I fuss about the way the apartment looks, the way the table is set...trying to make things as nice as I can for him. Soon he notices how wonderful he has it and what a pleasure it is to be married to me and then I hear, "Honey what was the name of that movie you were wanting to go see?" Putty in my hands.

Life is not always a bed of roses. As sweet and non-abrasive as I can make things, I can also put the sting in scorned. When someone is ignored, who normally is the center of your world, it's noticed. When he enters a room, I get up and leave the room. I prepare my meal and set the table for myself...if he wants independence and power to make all the decisions, let him and he can start with what HE's going to fix for HIMSELF to eat. I know of one little thing which he just hates and I use it to it's full extent. When we are not speaking to each other he will write me notes. Instead of writing him a note back I simply use an old dated "RECIEVED" stamp on his note. It lets him know I've read it but I'm still not talking to him. He just hates that.

The way we dress, present ourselves, stand, walk, move our hands, cross our legs or arms and even what we do with our eyes can communicate so much about what we feel, want, don't want or find appealing or distasteful. Many gestures or body language we do without knowing it but then again if we know it works we put it into play.

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