by Jeff Franklin

Created on: October 31, 2008

The Pacesetter

Are you pissed off being stuck in traffic jams? Being stuck in road lanes with very slow drivers ahead of you? Spending three hours going a distance of less than ten miles? Having some idiot tailgating right on your ass even when you are going five to ten mph over the speed limit?

Then the Pacesetter is for you!

Basically, the pacesetter is an enormous vehicle of solid iron, weighing a colossal mass and containing huge massive steel plough blades in its front and rear. The blades are the width of the highway lane. It operates (spaced at every five mile interval) on all freeways, urban streets, rural highways and roads. It travels exactly the speed limit. When and if it catches up with slower vehicles in front of it, it pushes them along at exactly the speed limit. If any idiot is speeding, his or her vehicle will catch up to the pacesetter and will no longer be able to speed, because, a collision with the massive rear blade is not what one wants to do. Even semis colliding with it will not phase it one iota, and will roll off the road - as their pass attempt fails miserably.

If you are slow and you find a pacesetter in your rear view mirror, you have two (2) options: 1) speed up to a few mph over the speed limit; get a safe distance ahead, then set your cruise control to the speed limit, or, 2) be scooped along by the pacesetter and risk being thrown off the highway into a tangled mess of crimped steel and DNA.

If you are too fast, you will be slowed by the pacesetter in front of you. You do not want to tailgate this setter too long; it would definitely be in your best interest to back off. If not, you'll piss off the pacesetter. This means its giant rear claws will grab your vehicle and toss it off to the side ditch. The results are the same as for the slow poke in front of it: twisted steel and DNA juice.

Now this solves the slow "rush hour" (creep hour) traffic, any time of the day. Additionally, you never have to worry about being stuck in a freeway traffic jam again. Regardless of the number of vehicles on the road, they will not (and you will not) be delayed, or be going below the speed limit. It will sure be nice to arrive at work, at home, or your vacation destination on time, and without traffic jam problems, most tailgaters, and arrogant truck drivers that don't know how to get in the other lane.

So be a courteous driver, obey the laws ....and respect the pacesetter!

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