by Patrick Bush

Created on: October 31, 2008

I feel as though sometimes I am the epitome of life, in a psychological sense, of course. I've been everywhere, done everything, and met everyone on this planet. Whether through television, smoke breaks, magazines, parties or school. I feel as though I've met them all. Inside an identical medium, I've seen Europe, tropical fish, life saving surgery, and a father cry. I've raced in the Daytona 500. I've held a hundred dollar bill like it was worth $1,000,000.

It's strange though. Here on March 25th, of 2006, I am writing to myself. On an even stranger note, this feels normal.
I've always been able to translate my feelings to paper. When I was young, it helped in the escape process. So for me, staring at this cursor, I ask myself; Are you trying to escape something now?

Before even attempting to answer that, I realize that I am not only writing to myself, but questioning the origin of the idea to do so.
I talk to people all day. I get advice from family, friends, and great leaders with inspirational catch phrases. If I am living with myself 24 hours a day, I have the right to give myself advice, even in a letter to myself that I am writing alone in the middle of the night. The architecture of that last sentence has completely racked my brain, but the point here is simple. I am taking the time to talk to myself, something I rarely do anymore. I am caught up in my problems and see them very clearly. I see the confusion, doubt, solutions, and ramifications of everything I do. However, with such a firm grip on the gravity of it all, I still have no idea how I feel about it.

With the ups and downs of life, I used to wade around somewhere in the middle. I would never feel one way or the other about anything.
When something extraordinary happened, I brushed it off and just felt lucky that I was around or a part of it.
On the opposing end, I handled heartbreak with optimism and "things will get better". Lately, however, it seems as though I either rise above the problems or let them trample me and live on. My comfort zone is gone. I'm neutral in every aspect of the word.

Well, every aspect but one. I do not feel neutrality in the derogatory sense. I still love my family and friends. I still have a dream. I still feel inspired by spring days and the chord progression of certain songs.
Neutrality is something brand new to me.
I can't comprehend or explain some of the things I'm going through, but I know I can overcome them and things will be better.

I'm 23. People my age have

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