by Christina McCreedy

Created on: October 30, 2008   Last Updated: January 31, 2010

Having found my ideal mate I think there is a lot I can offer on the subject for those of you whom are still looking. The journey in search of your soul mate is not something that can be rushed and it's also not a journey to be commenced with your eyes closed to every possibility.

When defining your ideal try not to focus only on the physical, these traits over time will change and not usually for the better as the years go by. Physical attraction is important but it is also something that can grow from friendship and bonding over similar issues in life. For myself, I was not physically attracted to my life-mate upon first meeting - but that attraction grew as I came to know the person inside. You can take this many ways but in this context, my husband is not ugly by any means and was in fact oohhed and ahhed over by my co-workers, he just wasn't "my-type" at the time. Hence, limiting yourself to your "type" can lead to many missed opportunities.

Find someone who shares your main priorities in life - if you believe in spankings you probably don't want to raise children with somebody fundamentally against them and vice versa. Choose someone who shares your basic religious beliefs - you don't have to both be catholics or Methodists, but a shared belief in Christianity or Islam or Kabala - whatever your BASIC beliefs look for somebody who shares them. Priorities in family are another big issue when looking for your significant other, if you are hoping to be a stay-at-home mom you want a man who shares those values and if you have a high powered career you need somebody who can pick up the slack at home and encourage your on your path.

While that first rush of giddiness and sexual attraction is a heady drug, don't make the mistake of believing that it lasts forever. Sexual compatibility is of course very important - while during the course of getting to know somebody sexual attraction can appear, it doesn't happen for everyone. You shouldn't be with somebody that you feel no sexual attraction for at all, that is asking for trouble down the road when you will be tempted into straying.

By definition I believe a persons ideal mate to be somebody who brings you up when you are low, brings you down when your flying too high and balances you out in your life. Sharing the same interests but having differing strengths in life is what will work for most couples. Somebody that knows you and loves the way your are completely.

My relationship, for example, can best be summed up by one statement on my husbands part when we discussed my staying home instead of working now that we were to the point we could afford it - "Honey, I love you, I don't care if you read books and do nothing all day, since once you pick up a book your likely to get lost in it until it's done, but could you please just have dinner done when I get home?" Now for those of you who think that's chauvinism let me say my husband works 12 hour days everyday and the only thing he asks of me ever is dinner, he knows me and loves me anyway. Find that and you've found your ideal.

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