by Diane Baumann

Created on: October 30, 2008

"You smell like an old goat," she said, smoking on her cigarette and rocking in her favorite chair on the porch.

"I wasn't asking you how I smelled today, or in general," he said; "rather, I was searching fervently for your reaction to my new cologne."

"Oh," she said. "I'm sorry." [Pause] "You smell like an old goat steeped in cheap perfume. Ya happy now?"

They both laugh and give each other that knowing, secret look: that look that was always WAY deeper and more moving than any of the rough "copies" you see in the movies. It said so much and connected these two indefinitely.

She related the story as an example of what she thought represents the perfect marriage.

She said, "Sure, don't ya see? In that little snippet, ya get that the lady thinks she's in control, or that she willfully pretends to be, and ya get that the hubby humors her and always approaches her sheepishly, particularly when he's checking to see if she still thinks he's attractive, of course. Either she can be gushy, and he'll love that too, sometimes, or she can be stand-offish; it really doesn't matter. So long as he usually feels love and so long as she maintains her sense of humor, play, and dignity, he'll love her forever. They share a secret knowledge, you know, those two in my story."

Her voice trailed off.

"Yep," she continued, gathering herself together enough to get the word out.

"That's my idea of the perfect marriage." [Pause] "It took your grandfather and me 42 years to hone that relationship to its perfection, God rest his soul."

With that, she got teary-eyed again, as I had seen her so many times since his passing. But this was only for a brief moment. After such a moment, she would always collect herself again and say that she's been luckier than most; she had had him around a good, long time, after all.

Only she wasn't sure if, because the time was "SO LONG," whether it was really as "good" as all that

Oh, yes she was.

"Grandma: such a kidder," I thought.

"Really, grandma, what do you think is the secret to love, to healing, to connection, to - ?"

"What? Do you want me to solve all the world's problems, today, already?," she asked.

I never knew why she wanted to sound Jewish like that. She always added this "already" to the end of sentences. I think it's because it made her feel that her humor was more "punctuated," if you will. It had indeed more of an effect, that way, and she loved it - sitting there in her rocking chair, telling me stories that gave me answers I could only decipher fully

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