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I know it's biochemical. Deal with it; turn the page; move on. No one understands better than I how the rules don't change according to my moodsup, down, or in-between, a foul ball is still a foul ball. I get it. You, however, must "get it" that one day I'll laugh and the next day I'll cry, and both days I will detest hitting the ball outside the lines. In the same way the rules don't change according to my moods, neither does my character. Laughing or weeping, I still have integrity.

And it remains a source of infinite wonder.

Manic beyond all description, I once devoted forty uninterrupted hours to preparation of a proposal for a prestigious grant. Asked, "My God, how did you do it?" I shrugged. The time had felt like a couple of hours in my little world, and I knew the work had to be doneprecisely and well, it had to be done. We won the competition, and got the big bucks; that part truly amazed me. Manic beyond all comprehension, when the main drain line in my household plumbing recently backed-up, spewing nastiness all over the zip code, I tore into it like a wild woman. I fired-up my mapp-gas burner, broke free the clean-out, and snaked in there like I was Joe the Plumber himself. When, after half a century of everyday use, the pipe-fittings disintegrated under pressure of my girly-pink pipe wrench, I replaced all the fittings exactly according to codedidn't even chip a nail. If it were easy, boys would do it.

Of course, I did all that stuff. I have bi-polar disorder.

My diagnosis does not define me, nor does it limit me, nor does it entitle me to special consideration, a blue parking permit, or any other privileges. I also have two X-chromosomes, a long-lost Native American ancestor, curly blonde hair, and a natural instinct for cooking. Just like my bi-polar disorder, all those qualities probably lurk somewhere on the genome, contributing to the adorable character I have become. No single quality ever could define me, and none of them ever got me moved to the front of the line or instantly forgiven for a colossal screw-up.

Just like a diabetic or a person with a thyroid condition, I must live with and take medication for my biochemical imbalance for the rest of my life. What's your excuse?

Bipolar disorder: Illness or excuse?

"Moderate to severe bi-polar disorder with depression dominant"says it right there, big and bold, in my medical file. First thing a doctor or nurse learns about me, probably even before my name. "Bi-polar. Depression dominant."

That's

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