by Teresa Antoinette

Created on: October 29, 2008

I feel like I've been trying to understand myself and my life forever. Long before I even discovered alcohol, I was abusing myself in less obvious, but just as damaging ways. I was always rejecting the moment, I was always trying to change things that I knew deep in my heart I could not. I was always wishing for things to be different and I think when I finally realized I would always be ME, I started abusing alcohol because I still hadn't seen the beauty in myself.

The most important lesson I think I've learned to date is the power of acceptance. I feel like acceptance is the sister of all 13 of our Statements. They all relate back to acceptance for me. I used to think that acceptance was the same as passivity. It is not. I am learning that while it can be extremely difficult to accept an unpleasant moment, situation, thought, feeling or person (etc), it is not impossible. For example, this morning I was lying in bed not wanting to get up from the warm covers when I heard my Grandfather speaking to my Grandmother in a really mean and condescending way. He was trying to fix some light-up Halloween decoration and my Grandmother wasn't holding the nail tight enough. Or something equally as insignificant. I kept thinking while lying there in bed and feeling my chest tighten out of discomfort and anger "This shouldn't be happening", "He shouldn't be talking to her like that".

I've been re-reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle this week so I realized that what I was doing was trying to change the present moment. Which is just nuts and really the source of all stress. I finally let myself accept that yes, my Grandfather should not be speaking to my Grandmother in that tone, but he was. That was how that moment chose to manifest itself. And I am learning that is silly and a huge waste of time to be bitter towards WHAT IS.

I had to accept that moment as is because that was my reality (it was my reality just the same as it was my Grandparent's reality) at that time. And then something interesting happened: from that acceptance of my Grandfather being impatient and mean, I started feeling compassion towards him, the moment, both Grandparents and really all of humanity. My Grandfather was not born with the personality that he has today. Life happened to him. Circumstances and choices made him into the stubborn man that he often is. I felt compassion towards him because through acceptance, I was reminded of his suffering. Of ALL our suffering. In other words, I let go.

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