by Nan Keltie

Created on: October 29, 2008   Last Updated: December 26, 2008

Handing down good habits ~

Twenty-four-seven, the little people in our homes are watching, listening and learning. You might even say they're professional copy-cats. Hands on hips, they spout off to siblings, "Because I said so!" Clomping around in our shoes or boots, we wince and wonder if they "walk in our footsteps" in more ways than one.

It's not only our job to provide for our children, it's also our responsibility to teach them about life in general: how to be healthy, mature, productive, adults. Sadly, too many parents tell their children what to do but fail to "show" them by example. This can only cause confusion and turmoil.

For example, telling them that they shouldn't smoke is important, because it ruins their lungs and can cause emphysema and cancer. However, if we model the very thing we've just condemned, what must our children think of us? If we tell them not to drink, and yet we keep alcohol in the house, are they likely to listen? If we ask them not to curse, but we curse, why be shocked when they follow our example?

On the flip side, we can also model good behaviors. When a child is told to keep his room neat and sees that the parents do the same, he is more likely to see the sense in it. Other examples: children are more likely to enjoy reading if they see us enjoying time out with a book. Whatever behaviors we exhibit, they will most likely copy them.

The habit of being honest is modeled before children learn it. We won't ask them to lie for us when an unwanted visitor is at the door. If we tell our children it's wrong to cheat on a test and then laugh about cheating on our income tax, we are hypocrites. Those things we want our children to learn and copy - patience, kindness, compassion, courtesy - must be modeled before them on a consistent basis. If we teach one thing and then do the opposite, we eventually destroy any respect our children have had for us.

So often, the habits we have can be traced to our own parents or a caregiver that took their place. If we are extremely shy, we probably had a parent that was shy. If we tend to be quick to judge others, we most likely saw this modeled at home. On the positive side, if we are hard-working and honest, it's a fair guess one or both of our parents or caregivers were the same.

In the natural world, a duckling raised by a parent will copy its behavior and act like a duck. A kitten raised by its parents will copy them and behave like a cat. In the same manner, children raised by their parents will copy their behavior and act like the parents. The years they spend in our home are crucial: their little ears, eyes and hearts are tuned in to everything around them. They hear how we talk, watch what we do and pick up on the emotions we express. They learn our habits - good and bad alike.

Fast forward to the future. These same children will enter adult life sooner than we think. When they walk out the door and into the future, they will carry the attitudes, actions and habits we've handed down to them. It's our job to make sure they carry the right ones.

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