by Courtney Petrella

Created on: October 29, 2008

I know some people keep diaries and journals for their own pleasure to look back and reflect on. I do not though. Instead I write letters to my two year old son. I started when he was still in my womb. I think though, that maybe in a way they are to myself also. I have endured a life of unhappiness and bad decisions, and in my letters to my son, I do not hide any of my bad decisions. I am a hundred percent honest in all that I tell him. I do not look back on my letters to him, because I do not want to be tempted to erase or get rid of them. What I wrote was the truth and I will keep it that way. Hopefully someday when he does read them, he will understand why I told him of my short-comings and my mistakes.

I also have defined why I can not continue a relationship with his father. I do not speak ill of his father, I just explain that we are not meant for one another. I guess the letters to "my son" say, quit making the bad decisions you have made, quit living life for everyone else, and live life for yourself. I think by writing these helps to keep in mind, what my son will know, and how I should not make more mistakes to admit to. I think by writing to yourself or someone else, it helps to reflect on what you have come to terms with and how to fix certain choices made by yourself. I know by writing to my son, I have really paid attention to certain things I do, for I write to him monthly, so I need to be careful of what I do. I am not a crazy, drug addict or anything like that, I just have had a Jerry Springer kind of life for the past few years. It is very important to me, for him to know that I am not perfect and it is okay to make mistakes, because we are all human and humans make plenty of mistakes. If we can learn to forgive ourselves then it can be expected that others can forgive us also.

For anybody writing a letter to themselves, you need to be open minded, honest, and able to forgive yourself, and most importantly, not to be afraid of writing down your feelings. It helps us weigh pros and cons. I know by writing these articles even helps to relieve some tension in our my mind, and settle my heart. If you can not even write down on paper how you are feeling, you need to find a way to express yourself. Writing is a great way to feel happy, relaxed, and fulfilled. But, to my son, he will know my thoughts, mistakes, short comings, happiness, and sadness that I have over come. Maybe this was a "letter" to myself.

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